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Anyhow it hurts me... 😞

I've tried much, really much to come closer to my brother and his family (wife and three kids) and I've tried my best to be a good aunt but anyhow it doesn't work... 😞

When I inherited our ancestor's house (a very ancient building, about 500 years old), I invited my brother and his family to move inside this house, in a really BIG flat which I have basic renovated for a BIG money. I wouldn't want him to pay rent, he could have lived there FOR FREE without to pay just one single cent rent to me. PLUS I offered him the magasin which belongs to our house. He could have equipped there his OWN BUSINESS (my brother is a business man), also FOR FREE, without to pay one single cent rent to me. But my brother rejected. 😞
Now foreign people live in the house and equipped a business in the magasin. They are good people, for sure, but it's not the same as when you live with your own family in the house. 😞

Michael, one of my brother's kids, LOVES music and wants to learn how to play an instrument.
I offered my brother the piano I am owning - he rejected. 😞

I've offered my brother the harmonium I am owning. It is almost 200 years old and has a really great sound. I would have given it to him, especially to my nephew Michael, for free - but my brother rejected. 😞
Now probably a foreign person will take the instruments which are since hundreds of years in our family... 😞

One day I wanted to show Michael a flute. He (12 years old) was not sure if he really wanted to own it and so he wanted just A LOOK at it before he decided. But my brother even didn't give me the permission just to SHOW the flute to Michael.
Now probably also a very foreign child which I don't know at all will get this flute... 😞

One day my brother and his three kids visited me. I have plenty, really PLENTY of glasses where you can drink mineral water, juice, lemonade, whatever...

The kids LOVED my glasses but when I wanted to give them a few my brother rejected. 😞

Fact is: Whenever I want to give a gift it is rejected. Whether it's big and expensive or small and cheap.

Well, I am used to it now, and since my brother rejected about so many years so many things I don't give gifts to him or my nephews.

Nevertheless it hurts me because my nephews maybe think that I am a bad, parsimonious aunt. 😞

It just hurts... 😞
plungesponge · 41-45, M
Some people just suck. Give them an inch and they try to take a mile. Don't give them an inch and they hate you for it. Ah fvck em
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@plungesponge Sadly I have to agree. 😞
plungesponge · 41-45, M
@Loretta78 better off finding like minded decent people. Let the broken toys stay broken
It is clear that your brother doesn't want to take any sort of gift from you. Neither for himself nor for his family.
I am sure his kids are able to understand the it's their father who has been rejecting your generosity. You are not to be blamed
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@StrugglingSoul I hope so... 😞
SW-User
I have 2 half brothers and a half sister. I want absolutely nothing to do with them. So I don't share your dilemma but hope things work out for you, you are so genuine and sincere I wish more people could be like you..
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@SW-User Well, I really, REALLY can understand you. I am so closed to that I also want absolutely nothing to do with my brother and his family. But I have to take care of my mother who couldn't bear it. 😞

And on the other site there might be still a little hope that one day I could get a "connection" at least to my nephews. But at the moment it doesn't seem like this ever will happen... 😞
Poppies · 61-69, F
That is so sad. A loss to both you and the children. Do you have any idea why your brother came to have such a resentful attitude towards you?
Does pride prevent him from accepting charity from anyone?
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@Poppies No, I don't think so.

About our ancestors house:
He never wanted it. He wanted us to sell it so that he can buy an own, modern house for himself and his family...

About the music instruments:
I think he rejected them because my brother HATES it when someone is playing an instrument. He just can't bear it. That's probably also the reason why he said to Michael he may learn an instrument when he is an adult... 😞

About the small stuff like glasses and so: I honestly don't know... 🤷‍♀️😞
SW-User
You seem like a very kind hearted giving person. Especially, to your family. Your brother doing this to you just doesnt seem right to me at all. These are items that have been in your family and they should stay where they belong for a 100 more years. I know it hurts.....family know how to hit you in the right spot. Hang in there......im sorry you deal with this!! 🤗
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@SW-User Thanks for your kind words. ❤️
SW-User
@Loretta78 you are so welcome!! You deserve to get to know your brothers children and give them things!! I used to spoil my niece and nephew. Now they are much older. So, they dont appreciate it as much, especially my niece being 17. But, youve tried and you continue to try. That shows totally where your heart is!! 🤗
Neoerectus · M
After years of trying to connect to no avail with surviving sibs, I simply walked away. I made no grand gesture. I just blocked numbers and moved along. Having amazing in- laws helped a lot.
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@Neoerectus It seems you made the right decision... 😐💔
Steve42 · 56-60, M
Maybe he resents your inheritance of the stuff. Maybe he doesn't want his kids to break family heirlooms.
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@Steve42 Maybe. But actually there's no reason at all to resent my inheritance. Because it's not only that I've offered him a lot for free. Furthermore I've paid him already a big money because he is not the owner of the house. And I am still paying, month for month.

There's really no reason at all to resent the inheritance...
Montanaman · M
I have issues with my brother now too. I'm sorry you do also. 😔🤗🤗
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@Montanaman Yes, I know.
I've read your post and although I didn't commented it I just thought: "Your brother and my brother could be twins." 😞
ABCDEF7 · M
He need to understand difference between obligation and love & compassion.
SW-User
Stop giving to them then ...
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@SW-User I never gave anything to them because my brother always rejected.

And I stopped offering things to them.
SW-User
@Loretta78 That too
This message was deleted by its author.
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@SW-User I agree. Material things are not the main thing in life.

But the contact to my nephews is also more than rare. I don't see them more than 3 times a year, and there are never calls.

Decades ago I've still tried everything to continue contact to my brother and his family. I've tried over years again and again. But it doesn't seem so as if they are interested in contact.

And since one year or so I am literally tired to try still ANYTHING - not in a material way, not in a social way.

However: I have accepted the fact that I am not wanted.

But as the title in my post says: It just hurts... 😑
This message was deleted by its author.

 
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