Really don't know what to make of it & unsure if i should undertake a possible task!

OK so I have been divorced a year now, we spilt the year before. My ex blamed everything on me while in fact we were both at fault. I totally lost respect for him now. We have had no contact since (except a random bumping into each other but no confrontation - we just both acknowledged each other & walked off)

After the divorce my ex mother in law kept in contact which i was a bit uncomfortable with but i was close with her & know she's a good person, my fall out with my ex should not be taken out on her.

That said we haven't been in contact for 6 months... until my birthday last week, she sends a message & mentions she sent a card in the post.

She was always really nice to me but unsure why she wants to keep contact. It is painful for me as it reminds me of my ex but i feel i can't say anything to her.

My parents reckon that she knows her son's fault & that i am a good person & the total blame wasn't to be rested on me.

Also, on a side note, my ex mother in law is into crafting, making cards etc in the past my dad has given her some paper & card that he had collected over the years & can be used for her crafting. He has recently found more & asked would it be ok if we should give her the paper & card if she wants it. Again, she shouldn't have to suffer for my & my ex's break up but is it a good idea to give her the stuff? I would because of her but don't want my ex to think I'm trying anything to get back with him - i want nothing to do with him!

I know this might be a random post but a little reeling from emotion to her texting last week...

Any thoughts....?

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ineedadrink · 51-55, M

I think you can give her the stuff without bringing the ex into the equation. Subtly make clear that it's about her & not him. Also be honest about talking to her being uncomfortable for you because of him.

BondGirl84 · 36-40, F

@ineedadrink yea will defo say 'oh i know this stuff will be useful to u' something like that... thanks tho!

Carissimi · F

When divorce happens, it’s not just the couple who suffers, it’s the rest of the extended family as well. It’s obvious your former MIL likes you, and you mean something to her. I’d stay in touch, if you like her too. You don’t have to share your life with her, but you can remain friendly and cordial and exchange cards etc. Give her the paper. You don’t need to see your ex.

I have stayed in touch with old girlfriends of my two sons, albeit it a once in a blue moon like or comment on FB. We never speak of my sons, and the girls are now married with children. If you can keep them all compartmentalized, then stay in touch now and again. My 2 cents.

BondGirl84 · 36-40, F

@Carissimi totally know what u mean, it is hard for the families too... yea we did get on, MIL & myself... she did keep apologising for some of his behavior but never said a word to him whereas my parents don't hold back on saying in how i can improve suppose everyone is different but yea ur right, maybe the idd message here & there... thanks tho

Carissimi · F

She didn’t want to get involved in her son’s marriage. I’m with her on this. Unless he asked her for advice, then parents need to stay out of their grown children’s business. @BondGirl84

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

Your parents can arrange it directly with her so as to not make your feel uncomfortable

JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F

Seems she considered you family and cared for you....and she isn't willing to let that go because her son messed up, I would let her know that you are still trying to move past it and want to keep contact but that it is hard right now. I am sure she will understand.

My mother stayed in contact with my stepfather's mother after they divorced. Shs was a grandmother to me so I did as well.

And yes, definitely offer the paper and stuff!

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I have a friend in this situation. Her own mom is nice but a bit crazy. So she had bonded with her ex MIL who loved her like another child. MIL knew that eventually her son would mess up just like his father. Prior to the split they were incredibly close. I know she [ex MIL] still comments on her [my friend] FB posts. I believe that's about the extent of their engagement.

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