fathers day. two dads

nearly every GOOD thing about me, came from my step dad who feels like my real Dad
he was there for me, since i was 5 was a great role model
taught me how to be honest, square in dealing, and respect for ohers

nearly every BAD thing about me came from my biological father, absent from when i was 5 to about 13.
he encouraged me to do whatever i might like, especially self indulgent things
taught me many bad behaviors. and i have enjoyed that too

contradictions abound

I still am unsure of how i feel about it

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

That is really cool that you think about your stepfather like you do.
I am divorced and have three kids. I am still on the fence of what I think about their stepdad.
My ex-wife and him have pulled some s*** that I think was very very wrong with my daughter. But they seem to treat the boys pretty good.
He doesn't beat on them. That he would only get a chance to do once.
He doesn't even raise his voice with them very often according to them.
He does seem to blow everything out of proportion when he is telling me about things that the boys did wrong. He always makes it out to be way worse than it actually turns out to be.
I don't know maybe he just has that type of personality with everything.
He has screwed me out of some visitation time that I had coming with my kids. Well he either did it or liaisonst it from my ex-wife.
He doesn't do a whole lot with my oldest boy. They don't have any connection going on with one another to any real depth.
That makes my oldest boy feel uncomfortable trying to talk with him about anything real.
Overall it looks like he may not be a bad influence.

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sspec

@Dainbramadge Why can't they stay with you. Your words around show you love your kids and are protective about them. Then, what keeps them away from you?
You may choose to skip answering this.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@sspec she has actual physical custody and I just have visitation rights.
When we got divorced she had a lawyer and I didn't.
One of the last things that she told my parents right after we split up was that if she had her way I would never see those kids again.
Funny thing was after our case a lawyer that was in court came up to me and told me I had gotten f*****. Told me I needed to file a set aside judgment paper and get a lawyer. I could hear the judge talking really loud in his Chambers and that lawyer came out of the judges Chambers right before he told me that.
I did part of that but nothing changed. You could really tell that judge had more that he wanted to tell me but they aren't allowed to give legal advice in any way shape or form.
I was having a really difficult time then because of my bipolar depression and wasn't functioning exactly on high capacity.

Even though I don't have physical custody of the kids I do have a court ordered visitation right and a schedule that is upheld by the court to a degree that even during the pandemic I still had full visitation.
The visitation schedule is that I get them every other weekend and every other Wednesday throughout the school year.
During the summer I get them every other week for an entire week at a time. Also all the major holidays are divided up and alternated yearly.
No matter how much time the Court gives me with those kids it's still never enough. Those little people mean the world to me.

sspec

@Dainbramadge This way of living is a torture for kids. What wrong have they done to live such a migrant life?
Nothing in totality!
Try putting across to their mother & see if you both can reunite for the kids' sake.

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