I need to write this down
I have been bitter and angry over something I never deserved in the first place.
When I was 11, my dad died.
My parents were divorced by then, so he left the house to my sister and I, and some inheritance.
When I turned 18, I was supposed to get that inheritance.
But, my mother had spent it all. To this day I am not sure how, it is a sore subject we don't talk about.
I have been sad, angry, bitter, and hurt since that moment. I had some hopes when I turned 18...but they were lost. I was...lost.
I just now realized it is for no reason.
Most kids never get anything. My coworker started working at 14. You would think I had it "easy" but my mom spent the money at the casino, not on us.
As an adult now....I can't blame her. My dad left so many things undone. She was drowning. Overwhelmed. More than I can say here.
Through the overwhelmed state, my mom stayed my rock. I could, and still can, tell her ANYTHING, and I mean anything, and she is just my best friend.
That money was never really mine.
I really had no right to it. She did. She picked the house, she spent 17 abusive years with him. she paid for half that house. She protected us.
And honestly......did her best. My childhood still sucked but she really did do her best.
But I have spent the last 15 years...bitter.
For something that was not even mine.
It's almost laughable.
I want to let go.
Edit: we did end up selling the house....but my mom never paid the taxes and the house was not in great condition so I only walked away with 5k. which I used to pay off a 5k loan.
When I was 11, my dad died.
My parents were divorced by then, so he left the house to my sister and I, and some inheritance.
When I turned 18, I was supposed to get that inheritance.
But, my mother had spent it all. To this day I am not sure how, it is a sore subject we don't talk about.
I have been sad, angry, bitter, and hurt since that moment. I had some hopes when I turned 18...but they were lost. I was...lost.
I just now realized it is for no reason.
Most kids never get anything. My coworker started working at 14. You would think I had it "easy" but my mom spent the money at the casino, not on us.
As an adult now....I can't blame her. My dad left so many things undone. She was drowning. Overwhelmed. More than I can say here.
Through the overwhelmed state, my mom stayed my rock. I could, and still can, tell her ANYTHING, and I mean anything, and she is just my best friend.
That money was never really mine.
I really had no right to it. She did. She picked the house, she spent 17 abusive years with him. she paid for half that house. She protected us.
And honestly......did her best. My childhood still sucked but she really did do her best.
But I have spent the last 15 years...bitter.
For something that was not even mine.
It's almost laughable.
I want to let go.
Edit: we did end up selling the house....but my mom never paid the taxes and the house was not in great condition so I only walked away with 5k. which I used to pay off a 5k loan.
36-40, F
