if i ever have kids, i'm gonna dedicate my life to making theirs miserable within the confines of the law.
They're gonna have the same meals every day. For breakfast, they get a bowl of oatmeal and some water. For lunch, they get beans, vegetables, and water -- no spices. For dinner, they'll have applesauce with protein powder and a cup of water. There will be no snacks at any point. Every part of the property will be openly monitored with cameras except for the bathrooms in order to enforce a strict policy prohibiting masturbation, swearing, singing, poetry, playing, speaking in an outdoor voice, yelling, dissenting with me in any way, eating non-approved food, sleeping outside of the bedroom, or using any substances.
The one acre property will be surrounded by 20 foot walls on all sides, with a gate for which only I have the key. My chillins will only be allowed to leave for medical appointments, legally-necessary meetings, and helping me run errands. I will homeschool my kids in order to prevent them from recieving outside interaction and camradarie. They will share one slow PC that's not connected to the Internet and a small library of informational books for schoolwork.
Punishments for non-compliance include:
-being locked in one's room for at least one day
-confiscation of various pieces of bedding for at least one night
-meal served as a nutriloaf
-having heavy weighted shoes forcibly applied to the feet
-vinegar in drinking water
-losing access to hot water (I'll have a biometric scanner for that)
-kitty litter applied to bedroom floor
-loss of control of bedroom light (light is always on)
-clothing treated with cat Liquid Ass
My children will also be expected to do all of the chores within the house, usually with inadequate supplies. And there'll also be a couple of tasks that just objectively don't need done that I'll make them do anyway, such as watering the driveway and taping/de-taping the dishes.
Upon turning 18, they will be promptly kicked out of the house and disallowed from returning.
The one acre property will be surrounded by 20 foot walls on all sides, with a gate for which only I have the key. My chillins will only be allowed to leave for medical appointments, legally-necessary meetings, and helping me run errands. I will homeschool my kids in order to prevent them from recieving outside interaction and camradarie. They will share one slow PC that's not connected to the Internet and a small library of informational books for schoolwork.
Punishments for non-compliance include:
-being locked in one's room for at least one day
-confiscation of various pieces of bedding for at least one night
-meal served as a nutriloaf
-having heavy weighted shoes forcibly applied to the feet
-vinegar in drinking water
-losing access to hot water (I'll have a biometric scanner for that)
-kitty litter applied to bedroom floor
-loss of control of bedroom light (light is always on)
-clothing treated with cat Liquid Ass
My children will also be expected to do all of the chores within the house, usually with inadequate supplies. And there'll also be a couple of tasks that just objectively don't need done that I'll make them do anyway, such as watering the driveway and taping/de-taping the dishes.
Upon turning 18, they will be promptly kicked out of the house and disallowed from returning.
