Leaving Spouse for the Weekend

@SW-User Yes I have learnt I just have to take the heat. She will get over it, I don't feel its fair.

@JimboSaturn It's absolutely not fair. It's controlling behavior. She shows you how upset she is and expects you to change your mind. This is what children do, not grown adults.

@SW-User Yes its one thing about her I really don't like. She doesn't like me seeing my family it seems. She gets mad at the idea of me having fun.

@JimboSaturn It's possible she feels you're having fun without her but, I think it has to do with her believing when you visit them, you're simply choosing them over her. She thinks you should place her before your family, no matter what. She needs to grow up and recognize one thing has nothing to do with the other. It's not as if you're always running off to be with your family. Does she visit her family regularly? Or, are they either not alive or she doesn't have a relationship with them?

@SW-User Both her parent are dead, but when her mother was alive she certainly wouldn't go 10 years without visiting! We moved to where they live, but when we lived in a different city, we used to visit them at least once a month.

@JimboSaturn I've always found you to be a smart man and it puzzles me why you would put up with that behavior all these years. Evidently, when her parents were alive, she felt no compunction about manipulating you into living close to them. This appears to be about her exercising her control over you. Don't allow her to continue to keep you from your own family. If she doesn't like them or doesn't want to visit them, that's her problem. Don't allow her to make it yours. Tell her you aren't going to get into an argument over it, that this is something you need to do for your family and yourself, while everyone is still alive and, if she doesn't like it, she needs to find a way to accept it and live with the situation. Maybe suggest she go to a therapist to find out why she doesn't want you to visit your family once in a while. AND, you should visit your mother more often while you can. Because your wife is being ridiculously childish and selfish. It's not fair to you, your mother, and the rest of your family. She's using the animals as an excuse not to go, as well as to try to make you feel guilty. You can always find a pet sitter. Tell her this is a choice she's making. If she's truly your life partner, she needs to understand that partners find a way to work together, compromise, and make sacrifices for each other. If she doesn't want to go, that's fine. But she shouldn't be making your life miserable over what should be a non-issue. She should be encouraging you to visit your family.

@SW-User You know it's gotten better. Each time I assert myself and do what I need to do, she backs off. In fact I just spoke with her and told her that I'm going and she is ok with it now. All I need to do is not cave in. Thanks for your support!

Some people with controlling tendencies only understand strength.

@JimboSaturn Glad I could help. 😊