Overall, would you say you grew up in a loving household?
No family is perfect, of course. But by the time you reached adulthood, could you look back on your upbringing fondly? Do you feel that basically you had grown up in a loving home?
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crimsoncloves · 31-35, F
Eh, they always meant well.
My mom had a lot of undiagnosed and untreated mental issues. Totally not her fault. She’s been through a lot of shit in her life. But I ended up basically being raised to be her therapist. She was also much less than kind to me during my tween years and I ended up with PTSD and anorexia on top of the bipolar disorder I was predisposed to. She sheltered me, gaslit me, fostered all my deepest fears and created thousands of new ones.
She wanted to protect me from the world as she had experienced it. I knew that. But it kept me from going out and experiencing the world myself and enjoying it, well after I hit adulthood.
My dad was fantastic, incredibly supportive and the family voice of reason. Unfortunately he was a bit emotionally aloof and rarely around in my later childhood because of his work.
‘Tis what it ‘tis I suppose.
Edit: I typo’d
My mom had a lot of undiagnosed and untreated mental issues. Totally not her fault. She’s been through a lot of shit in her life. But I ended up basically being raised to be her therapist. She was also much less than kind to me during my tween years and I ended up with PTSD and anorexia on top of the bipolar disorder I was predisposed to. She sheltered me, gaslit me, fostered all my deepest fears and created thousands of new ones.
She wanted to protect me from the world as she had experienced it. I knew that. But it kept me from going out and experiencing the world myself and enjoying it, well after I hit adulthood.
My dad was fantastic, incredibly supportive and the family voice of reason. Unfortunately he was a bit emotionally aloof and rarely around in my later childhood because of his work.
‘Tis what it ‘tis I suppose.
Edit: I typo’d
SW-User
@crimsoncloves Everything in your 1st 2 paragraphs was true for me as well. I also don't blame my mum now. She's changed a lot over the years, and I don't think she had any idea of the damage she was doing when I was a kid.
crimsoncloves · 31-35, F
SW-User
@crimsoncloves Same. My mum is at the age where she's forgetting things anyway. I'm glad she'll never know how bad it was back then.
Peapod · 61-69, F
@SW-User @crimsoncloves This is also my mother when she was alive. She certainly was kinder with age and maybe a little more insightful. We were actually pretty close to each other in the end and I do miss that version of her.
I believe she had a lot of undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. It was in her family for sure. I think she only knew what she knew and she is someone I do forgive. Her childhood was pure hell compared to mine.
I believe she had a lot of undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. It was in her family for sure. I think she only knew what she knew and she is someone I do forgive. Her childhood was pure hell compared to mine.
Peapod · 61-69, F
@SW-User That is sad if she had a pretty decent childhood and was still abusive. At least I finally got to know my mom a little before she died and I gained [i]some[/i] understanding on what she herself was never given. Still, she never really seem to understand what [i]I [/i]went through. That was hard.
My dad had a good heart, but really was never equipped to be a parent. That is a whole other story. He and I were not close in the end.
My dad had a good heart, but really was never equipped to be a parent. That is a whole other story. He and I were not close in the end.
SW-User
@Peapod I understand what you mean about your dad not being equipped. My dad's parents were very cold people. His mum was legendary in the family for hatefulness. Neither of dad's parents ever said as much as hello to me when I was a kid. We stopped hearing from dad's family by the time I was 8 or 9.
Peapod · 61-69, F
@SW-User In my case, I wonder if my dad didn't have high functioning autism. He was a creature of habit to the extreme and had no parental instinct. He was a lot of fun when we were little, but once we were older, it was like he could not handle us at all. We really had to raise ourselves since there was no parental figure in the home. It was awful, especially when my older brother started turning our home into a hang-out for all his hoodlum type friends. My dad simply handled it by staying out at night with his girlfriend who also was backwards like he was.
Peapod · 61-69, F
@SW-User My grandmother that lived 2 doors down was housebound by then since she was quite old. She died by the time I hit 16.
In looking at old letters I found in my father's home after he died, there were some distant relatives that came to visit were very concerned for us kids. One was threatening him with CPS! I had no idea at the time. I was surprised my dad kept all that, but he was a hoarder after my mother left him. Finding those letters is what got me into therapy. It would take a few therapists to get me to one that specialized in trauma, but I finally got the right one. She has done so much for me in taking back my life. I also have a gem of a husband who came from a very loving home who could not be more supportive. It's just sad I had to wait this long to get help.
In looking at old letters I found in my father's home after he died, there were some distant relatives that came to visit were very concerned for us kids. One was threatening him with CPS! I had no idea at the time. I was surprised my dad kept all that, but he was a hoarder after my mother left him. Finding those letters is what got me into therapy. It would take a few therapists to get me to one that specialized in trauma, but I finally got the right one. She has done so much for me in taking back my life. I also have a gem of a husband who came from a very loving home who could not be more supportive. It's just sad I had to wait this long to get help.
Peapod · 61-69, F