My friend told me today that she found out that a man she dated nearly 20 years ago never recovered from the break up.

Tell her dont do it. I did that once. Had an ex find me on a dating site after 13 yrs and told me he still thinks of me and only tried dating a yr prior but it didnt work out. So i thought i would give him a shot since he seemed more mature now... wrong. He came off as nice guy but he expected sex after doing anything with me. Helped me move my stuff to storage... sex. Took me to dinner.. . Sex. Took me to the movies... sex. It started to become where he wouldn't let me leave unless we had sex.... so tell her leave it in the past. Its ok to feel bad for him, but that's his problem for not getting help.

But does she know it's the reason why he never dated or is it just a speculation based on that fact? Someone who doesn't know me could say exactly the same about me (15 years, not 20) but I have completely different reasons why I didn't care about dating after my first relationship. It's not because I didn't move on.


I'd stay away. It's not a healthy mindset. In my opinion it shows person's rigidity, tendency to get stuck in past and a lack of ability to let things go. That could cause problems in a potential relationship too. Moreover, if I didn't want that person, even bigger reason to stay away to not bear any responsibility for his bad mental state.

I’ve not recovered from a break up in the 90’s.

We're livin in crazy times.

Your advice couldn't have been better. If he can't move on, all your friend can do is make it worse

Having lunch would be tempting. But no.

I don't know. I'm not often interested in relationships after a major relationship and the women I end up talking to usually convince me to continue being uninterested in one.

I don't know how to change that mindset, I can almost guarantee more to it then just her.

Be shocked. I'm the one who doesn't get over people. Instead, I drink. There's nothing else really to do.

He needs closure .

I’d feel sorry for the man but I wouldn’t do anything. No way she’s gonna put a dent in his tackling whatever issues have prevented him from moving on from a relationship that ended 20 years ago.

Leave that ALONE. I'm not recovered from at least one relationship but that's some "closure" I can do without. Everyone doesn't need it and perhaps what the dude needs is a good therapist. He might have attachment issues or something 🤷🏾

I doubt anything good would come from meeting.
The past is done and revisiting it would likely either lead to an outpouring of loss and guilt or go the other way and arouse anger.

Don't put yourself in that position.

Not sure, i think I would ponder in this fir some time, and most likely each back out.

I wouldn't reach out, leave the past where it belongs.

Don't contact them ...it's usually a mistake