Do you think some day he'll regret it?
Regret not choosing me?
Regret using me as a tool to get off?
Do you think one day his conscience will come knocking at his door?
I spread myself thin for him. How many people tend to do that? I don't know I hope I don't ever do that again. No one is worth any love. Any care. I used to make sure he's well fed at work. That he's not overworked. Would try gifting him things to help with depression. Brought him a flask so he can stay hydrated. (He had a kidney issue, probably stones). I made sure to cover for him so he could visit his hometown to be with his family. I just....miss doing these things for someone. It just made me feel less alone. It made me feel like I had love in my life. His smile would brighten my day. Having meal times together made me feel like I wasn't a misfit. That I could have a lunch buddy too. Yes, not true altruism. I wanted to be loved. I did all of it because I wanted to feel loved too.
I think I was just pretending. The companionship was all in my head. He said to me (when I confessed) that he [i]knew[/i] I liked him. All the while he was playing me.
My face is pretty decent. I can look good when I dress up. I can take care of my people. I can be there when they're sad and when they're happy. I can go above and beyond for love. I've never asked for money. Or materialistic possessions... I never asked for anything in return but time and love. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't he choose me?
Because I'm not from a rich family? Because I have self harm scars and it's not a good "look"? Because I didn't take bullsh.it from his "friends"? Because I'm not very clever and can't fit in?
Probably....
Regret using me as a tool to get off?
Do you think one day his conscience will come knocking at his door?
I spread myself thin for him. How many people tend to do that? I don't know I hope I don't ever do that again. No one is worth any love. Any care. I used to make sure he's well fed at work. That he's not overworked. Would try gifting him things to help with depression. Brought him a flask so he can stay hydrated. (He had a kidney issue, probably stones). I made sure to cover for him so he could visit his hometown to be with his family. I just....miss doing these things for someone. It just made me feel less alone. It made me feel like I had love in my life. His smile would brighten my day. Having meal times together made me feel like I wasn't a misfit. That I could have a lunch buddy too. Yes, not true altruism. I wanted to be loved. I did all of it because I wanted to feel loved too.
I think I was just pretending. The companionship was all in my head. He said to me (when I confessed) that he [i]knew[/i] I liked him. All the while he was playing me.
My face is pretty decent. I can look good when I dress up. I can take care of my people. I can be there when they're sad and when they're happy. I can go above and beyond for love. I've never asked for money. Or materialistic possessions... I never asked for anything in return but time and love. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't he choose me?
Because I'm not from a rich family? Because I have self harm scars and it's not a good "look"? Because I didn't take bullsh.it from his "friends"? Because I'm not very clever and can't fit in?
Probably....
26-30, F
