September 4 is near the day my oldest son died by suicide. I'm processing a lot of emotions. Severely depressed. I just want to be left alone but I have my 97 year old dad on hospice to care for. It seems his hearing has left him and he won't eat and moans worse than ever. Can't articulate anything wrong I have to surmise what his problem is. Right now it's very hard. Like when it happened last year I had no support. The one person I thought would help denied me. It broke my heart. My sister who I stayed with 5 months through cancer treatment would not come for a week to help me. I didn't talk to her after that till her daughter February 2 this year 34 died from an OD. She sobbed on the phone how sorry she was. I forgave her but I can't forget. Now she says she wants to be here for me when dad passes. I don't need her I stopped needing her. I love her but not like it was before. I doubt anyone will ever get that close to me ever again. I miss my son and I don't know what to do.
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