Guilt, Shame, Regret

Losing everything that mattered in life has been pretty rough. I understand that I have done and said some pretty unforgivable and unforgettable things. Before that, I was really in love. Unconditional love. I never understood why people decide to get married to possibly get divorced later and go through a bunch of stuff to have it be over with... When I knew I loved my gf at the time (of 10 years), I knew it wouldn't matter what wrong she did. I would love her and I would do everything to fix it. Help her through whatever she was going through to make her a stronger person. I couldn't stop loving her. We had 2 kids. I was the provider. Never expected her to work but she wanted to and I supported her with her choice. I got us a house where she wanted to live. I got us cars. A dog, a cat. We had everything we wanted. Life was good. Then, it went bad. I was not going to give up. I wanted to fix everything. Between helping her get through what she was going through and me with what I was going through. She left me and took the kids, told me they don't want to see me. I went to jail. Got out and went to 4 different types of therapy at least 4 hours a day, 6 days a week for 4 years. Then contracted HIV.... I have a shell of a house. Walk around not remembering the day. Just automated in routine, stuck in my head. Everything else seems like echos around me. It's been 7 years since they left. Failed as a dad, failed as a spouse. Of course I've tried to end things. Tested out different ways but I've come to the realization that I don't want to be afraid or have second thoughts when I go. There is no getting better at this point though. Getting out of jail and off probation did not give freedom from my past or crime as most would believe. There is no "sentence has been served". I'm haunted. I cannot see anyone new wanting to put up with my life as part of their own. Material advancements don't make me feel better. I'm a robotics mechanic/pipefitter. I have a classic truck as a hobby. Just had my front yard re-landscaped for quite a lot of money. How long to go.