I Regret

I feel bad that I have never married. It just did not seem like a possibility to me. I always knew my mother and her people would interfere somehow, someway. I would be putting the man I loved in danger if he really loved me and was loyal to me. My mother and her people would get to him. And we could never run far enough. Since my mother's people were an international group, and I knew from experience that my mother's group could pursue me and find me in a foreign country, there was no place to run to--and I did think about it. At a fairly early stage of my life, I decided I'd be happier thinking of myself as a carefree single woman, independent and in no need of a mate. Of course, I was anything but carefree. But I knew that at least I wasn't facing the complicated heartbreaks I'd run into if I married, nor the risk of hurting someone I loved. Now I am alone, no family, no children, and sometimes sad about it although I realize it really could not have been any other way.

For more context to this situation, please read my story under: I Wan To Know My Family's Lies and Secrets