Don’t you hate it when people tell you you’re going to have regrets over something?

I do! I don’t have any relationship with my dad and I don’t care to because he abandoned my mom after learning she was pregnant with me. Still, I have always been told that I will regret not reaching out to him, but I’m a grown woman now and I‘ve never regretted it. Then I recently dropped out of college because I’ve been working hard at it for years but have little to nothing to show for it. Now people tell me I’m going to regret not finishing, but I really don’t think I’m going to regret it as much as I’m regretting even bothering with college. I have loads of regret over things I’ve done or haven’t done in life, but not one of them were from anyone else telling me so. They’re things I’ve realized all on my own, which is what defines what a regret is all about. So how are other people going to tell you what you‘re going to regret something? To me, it just feels like I’m being judged. Like they’re saying I’m in the wrong for not knowing my dad or dropping out of college and will look back on it and agree someday. Maybe I will, but for that’s for me to determine, not anyone else. What if I don’t? What if they’re wrong? Do they ever stop to consider that?

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Budwick · 70-79, M

[quote]Do they ever stop to consider that?[/quote]

Sure they do.
But, have you considered, what if they're right?

With Dad, at some point there's no choices left when he passes.
What's the cost in checking in, see if there's something to salvage, some common ground? If it doesn't work out, no loss. If it DOES work out, restoration of a relationship with a parent is pretty significant.

The college thing - I won't push hard on that. College degrees these days seem over rated - certainly over priced.

Best of luck!

PerchingDove · F

@Budwick If they’re right, then they’re right. But my point is who are they to say I will regret anything when for all they know, they’re going to be wrong?

It’s not going to work out with my dad. He gave up any chance to be a part of my life when he abandoned me like the coward he is. What he did is unforgivable, especially with how much my mom and I struggled over the years.

Budwick · 70-79, M

@PerchingDove [quote]He gave up any chance to be a part of my life when he abandoned me like the coward he is.[/quote]

Then why are you bringing it up for discussion?
I mean with those that are offering advice.

They couldn't have known it was an issue without you having said something.
When you bring something of that gravitas into the conversation, the people close to you are going to respond. If you don't want their input, don't bring it up.

PerchingDove · F

@Budwick Because people have told me I will regret not getting to know him in spite of that. Other people have brought it up, not me other than a passing mention that my dad abandoned me whenever it was relevant

Budwick · 70-79, M

@PerchingDove [quote] other than a passing mention that my dad abandoned me whenever it was relevant[/quote]

When it's relevant.
Like today?
What made it relevant today?

Tulip - people don't pull a topic like that out of the air.
If you don't want to talk about it - don't talk about it!

PerchingDove · F

@Budwick Well, you became rude all of a sudden. It was just something I was pondering enough to post about, that's all. Can't people vent about something that's on their mind without necessarily discussing it?

Budwick · 70-79, M

@PerchingDove [quote]Can't people vent about something that's on their mind without necessarily discussing it?[/quote]

So, when you posted it here, was it your intent that people should respond?
Or, were we just somehow supposed to know that this is one of those things She just wants to say out loud - and not have anyone respond?

You mistaking blunt reality with rudeness.
Dumping blame on whoever you spoke to about this was the rude part.

People can't read your mind Tulip.
Again - If you don't want to talk about it - don't talk about it

PerchingDove · F

@Budwick My lack of relationship with my dad wasn’t even the main topic of this post, it was about people telling me what I’m supposedly going to regret. You made it about my dad, not me. And now you’ve gone and turned this into argument too. You are being rude! Even if it’s not your intent, you’re being judgmental and insensitive. But I’m done talking to you. Don’t comment on people’s personal stuff if you can’t stand to have a bit of decency.

Budwick · 70-79, M

@PerchingDove [quote]Don’t comment on people’s personal stuff if you can’t stand to have a bit of decency.[/quote]

Don't comment on things you don't want to talk about.

PerchingDove · F

@Budwick You’re an asshole.