I Have Regrets

I've always had a bad temper. Anything can easily prokoke me. My relationship with my grandma has been a disaster during the past years. Last time I saw her at my mom's house. I didn't say hi to her and then said alot of bad things to he. This may sound crazy , but she was not treating me that good as well.She got really sick two days ago and has been hospitalized. I don't think she will make it. She barely knew me when I went to visit her there. I want to take everything back, I wish I never said those mean things to her. She took care of me when I was a child and I still remember everything
I am devastated , broken ... Why is this happening to me? I am not a bad person, I just say alot of crap when I get angry. God knows how I feel ... Just asking for some words of compassion. I am literally broken