Meaningless vent
In my dream last night, my Mom came back to life. I felt this joy and light return to my heart. I could hug her again. I could finally ask her all the things I wished I could as a more mature woman. I was so happy.
Then I came around the corner and she was rubbing the shoulders of the man she married, the man who took everything, destroyed what she left me and physically assaulted me on mother's day.
She didn't even hug me.
I walked outside and my aunt told me we'd have a celebration dinner at a restaurant in town. I tried to be positive and thought it just might take a little time for my mom to warm up to me.
So later I was walking into town to meet them. I went where they said and it was closed. So I called my aunt and nobody answered. I tried walking to and suddenly I was lost. My hometown was unrecognizable. There were many streets and I didn't recognize anything.
Then I walked up to a different restaurant and saw my family sitting there, laughing and having drinks. I called my aunt and watched her pick up her phone, look at it and silence it.
My dream ended with me just standing there for hours. Until it got dark. Watching them have fun, heartbroken, they didn't even want me. My Mom didn't even want me.
We had a second chance and they still chose to exclude me.
When I opened my eyes, half dreaming, for a split second it looked like someone was laying in bed beside me and I screamed. Scared the crap out of my son on the other side of the house.
It really does hurt what my family did in real life, what they do over and over. I have been having more nightmares about it for months now. The more involved with them I am, the worse it is.
My brain is really sick of this stress and pain.
I'm ready to sleep good again. I'm ready for peace.
Then I came around the corner and she was rubbing the shoulders of the man she married, the man who took everything, destroyed what she left me and physically assaulted me on mother's day.
She didn't even hug me.
I walked outside and my aunt told me we'd have a celebration dinner at a restaurant in town. I tried to be positive and thought it just might take a little time for my mom to warm up to me.
So later I was walking into town to meet them. I went where they said and it was closed. So I called my aunt and nobody answered. I tried walking to and suddenly I was lost. My hometown was unrecognizable. There were many streets and I didn't recognize anything.
Then I walked up to a different restaurant and saw my family sitting there, laughing and having drinks. I called my aunt and watched her pick up her phone, look at it and silence it.
My dream ended with me just standing there for hours. Until it got dark. Watching them have fun, heartbroken, they didn't even want me. My Mom didn't even want me.
We had a second chance and they still chose to exclude me.
When I opened my eyes, half dreaming, for a split second it looked like someone was laying in bed beside me and I screamed. Scared the crap out of my son on the other side of the house.
It really does hurt what my family did in real life, what they do over and over. I have been having more nightmares about it for months now. The more involved with them I am, the worse it is.
My brain is really sick of this stress and pain.
I'm ready to sleep good again. I'm ready for peace.
41-45, F
