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Terror and ecstasy

Aches and pains, resting, lying on back in bed with my dear rodents, reading, yes reading is the way, the truth and the life ... no teacher, or guide in life, authors of books with something to tell me, me who has no teacher or guide, all together, a thousand sources may be equivalent to one utterance from someone still alive.

By being focused on your interior, there can be a sense of panic, i feel i need such states so as to build up strength or understanding of a sort, but when it's too much and then to emerge into a location where normal exterior things are happening is like a drink of fresh cold water in the desert, but however i do not anymore take that as the fundamental reality, which is where there is a pendulum between terror and ecstasy.

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