There’s that feeling again [I Battle Loneliness]

A feeling I haven’t felt in a while. Lately I just feel like I have no family. I moved out of my moms at 18 because of toxic situations which caused emotional and mental exhaustion. I moved in with dad and his wife caused the same thing...then I moved in with my cousin to get away from her and I’ve been good until recently. There’s gossiping behind my back and talking shit on me so I confronted it and it went bad. Now I find myself back at square one. Same feeling. Feeling like my family is just fake and always judgemental and or gossiping behind someone’s back. It’s tiring. My friends aren’t around much anymore (because I moved to a city an hour away). My closest sister is 3,000 miles away from me in another state. I feel like I have no one. I never really felt that true connection with my family and to be honest, as bad as it sounds, I don’t think I value family gatherings or get togethers. I don’t care to see any of them. My sister is getting married and of course I’m happy for her but I’m already dreading the ceremony because I don’t want to see anyone. Another cousin is getting married and my gramma wants me to go but I don’t want to see anyone. It’s not fun for me anymore. Sometimes I just wanna move away to another city where no one knows me...just be on my own with no family around to bother me. Just me minding my own business in a place with peace and quiet and no drama.