I Am Grateful For My Life Lessons

I don't think they ever do .
But once in a while you get the closure in the strangest ways .

I refused to speak to my ex for 7 years though she tried to contact me many times
on Christmas 2 years ago she called my phone 25 times but was to scared to speak
she recently told me "She just needed to hear my voice ".

After agreeing to speak with her ,it took her another year to finally come to see me ,that was what I required of her ,come to the place you destroyed me and see what mess you left me in ,she finally came .

She confessed she still loves me and made a huge mistake taking me for granted saying she would never expect me to forgive her ,I already had .
I let my home and my yard go to hell ,I have just been surviving .
her room is still just like she left it ,I couldn't face the memories in there to even get rid of her things (she finally took a lot of it with her ,crying as she packed ,saying she was all caught up in her "feels ".

Holding on to memories like you just expressed ,was my way of holding on
When I finally gave up ,stopped reliving those memories ,I would have let go and she would be gone ,when in reality ,she was gone when she walked out the door and I asked "SO what are you saying ,you're no longer my Baby " and she said No.

But now she wants to come back ,she is unhappy ,"no one has ever loved her like I do" ,,imagine that .(her man loves Playstation more then he loves her )
I worshiped the ground she walked on .

She almost killed me ,not sure now that its my option ,that I want a round 2
Was it ego or pride the reason I couldn't let go ?I don't know
Now that I know she still loves me ,and wants to come home .
Its like now I can see ,I am no longer obsessed with her ,things I wish I had done and I needing her back or I would never be happy again,all thats gone .
Now I am looking at it like ,You made you're bed ,sleep in it
and I feel stupid that I let myself grieve this long .
She is the one that threw away a good man ,now she see's it .

Sometimes ,time is its own revenge ,,I am a firm believer in "You reap what you sow ".
Now I feel I am actually over that ,finally
Now I have the option ,can I ever really trust her again ?

Don't hold on to it ,let it go
I have 18 yrs dedicated to grieving over 2 woman ,that never gave a second thought about what they did to me ,,this one still don't get it
She only see's what she did to herself ,not how she destroyed me .
I am not the same man she knew ,and now she is not the same woman .
She killed me ,the man that has taken her for granted for 7 years has killed who she used to be too .

I'm sorry. I know I am no longer that same person either. Trust = gone. I hate that I allow him to control how much of my heart I allow others to see. I'll go to my grave with this hurt. Peace.

made me emotional ...
best line [quote]Sometimes the pain of these lessons never seems to lessen.[/quote]
..

Hindsight is always clear like that. Best thing is to love yourself and cherish your experiences, whatever they are, realize that everyone goes through these things and then try looking ahead...

Easier said than done.

In my youth I would carry an idiotic torch for all kinds of boys who actually despised me.