I want to shut down and I think it would be the best thing for myself 🖤

I’m sure I broke their hearts, but they broke mine long before I decided to call it. I always tried to reignite my feelings after some dude yelled at me, or did something shitty, I’ve always allowed mistakes and room for growth. But instead of growing to the light, they piss all over my love, wreck my heart and torture my mind. Every damn time. It’s messing with my ability to show love to my son, myself, my dog and just kindness in general. I’m afraid to open up again. The last guy said he was going to die or kill himself? How can I live with this shit? What’s the point in even trying? I’ve tried to remain open, I’m good with myself, but letting someone in seems more destructive than anything I’ve ever done to myself. After every heartache I have to make repairs and I’m tired.

People don’t understand how fkn tired I am. If anyone on this planet knew or cared about me, they would give me a hug. Because I’m ready to crash and burn. I’m on the edge of not caring at all. The thought of my son pulls me back, but if not for him, I’d end my weird life so quick 😂