I 'M Saying Goodbye
Not even a year ago I punched "friendless introvert" into Google and found EP.
I've since met many people I can call friend, but somehow, the loneliness is just as close.
I met someone I loved, and it was oh so sweet, but the aftertaste has been so much more bitter.
This story is ending, and I'll say it was too brief, but not because it's a happy ending.
I love every single one of you, but I'm afraid this journey has shown me how I'm destined to walk alone. For every word we've shared, I thank you. For now, though, my hope of meeting someone whom I can build a connection, has all but shattered.
To be honest with you, I came here to meet the person I've only ever dreamed of. I've searched the far reaches of EP and glanced over your profiles, but I only feel more alone.
It seems all the more hopeless now. I am a lover, but I was born to be alone. I've spent a lot of time searching for my dear, because if I find you, we'll just have that many more days of being in each others lives. But that hope has burned to ashes. For all my effort, all I have to show for it is more experience at being a hopeless romantic.
It nearly makes me cry to say it's time to grow up. I hate doing things just to be labeled differently. But I'm afraid in this world, I'll never reach my full potential if I'm writing love letters to an imaginary hope.
My heart is beautiful, and I say that while it's shining brightest, because I'm afraid it's time to turn of the light. I wish I could find my happiness, too, but the more I reach for it, the more the dagger of hopelessness sinks into my chest.
It's time to stop dreaming. It's time to stop fantasizing about a love without limits. It's time I wake up in the morning, smile at myself in the mirror, and start enjoying every single moment I have on my own, because those are the only moments I'm going to experience.
The person I need to be won't even be recognizable as the person I've been here. I've been cynical, self-righteous, and insensitive. I feel shame for that, and I've considered seriously removing my profile. You never know if you'll be remembered, so you have to consider how you'll be remembered while you're still writing your story. And my stories here aren't things I'd ever shout to the world, but I'm going to leave them up because if the next chapter of my life does lead to success, I don't want people to think I'm special. I'm a person just like any of you, I feel the same emotions, and I let those emotions speak words I'm not proud of, just like anybody. The struggle is everyday for me, too, and I don't have a magical way to survive. I feel broken and inadequate and probably not worth the effort I force into myself. I'm a lover and a dreamer, I go beyond hopeful, and I'm irrationally sensitive. But now, now I'm going to focus all of that somewhere else.
I will spread my love across my dream for humanity, a hope that someday the world won't be so cruel. My sensitivity won't hold me back, it will give me a new level of compassion for every experiencer of this reality. There's so much I want to do, and it breaks my heart to know I'll be doing it alone, but I'm going to try. I'm going to try. I have to try.
Goodbye, EP. Thanks for everything.
Goodbye my friends. Thanks for trying to shine a light in my dark world.
Goodbye my lover. Someday you'll find me here... let yourself enjoy the experience of what it means to be you, you're as bright as a star.
My very best wishes to all of you, I hope you find everything you're looking for. And as always, keep your chin up!
I've since met many people I can call friend, but somehow, the loneliness is just as close.
I met someone I loved, and it was oh so sweet, but the aftertaste has been so much more bitter.
This story is ending, and I'll say it was too brief, but not because it's a happy ending.
I love every single one of you, but I'm afraid this journey has shown me how I'm destined to walk alone. For every word we've shared, I thank you. For now, though, my hope of meeting someone whom I can build a connection, has all but shattered.
To be honest with you, I came here to meet the person I've only ever dreamed of. I've searched the far reaches of EP and glanced over your profiles, but I only feel more alone.
It seems all the more hopeless now. I am a lover, but I was born to be alone. I've spent a lot of time searching for my dear, because if I find you, we'll just have that many more days of being in each others lives. But that hope has burned to ashes. For all my effort, all I have to show for it is more experience at being a hopeless romantic.
It nearly makes me cry to say it's time to grow up. I hate doing things just to be labeled differently. But I'm afraid in this world, I'll never reach my full potential if I'm writing love letters to an imaginary hope.
My heart is beautiful, and I say that while it's shining brightest, because I'm afraid it's time to turn of the light. I wish I could find my happiness, too, but the more I reach for it, the more the dagger of hopelessness sinks into my chest.
It's time to stop dreaming. It's time to stop fantasizing about a love without limits. It's time I wake up in the morning, smile at myself in the mirror, and start enjoying every single moment I have on my own, because those are the only moments I'm going to experience.
The person I need to be won't even be recognizable as the person I've been here. I've been cynical, self-righteous, and insensitive. I feel shame for that, and I've considered seriously removing my profile. You never know if you'll be remembered, so you have to consider how you'll be remembered while you're still writing your story. And my stories here aren't things I'd ever shout to the world, but I'm going to leave them up because if the next chapter of my life does lead to success, I don't want people to think I'm special. I'm a person just like any of you, I feel the same emotions, and I let those emotions speak words I'm not proud of, just like anybody. The struggle is everyday for me, too, and I don't have a magical way to survive. I feel broken and inadequate and probably not worth the effort I force into myself. I'm a lover and a dreamer, I go beyond hopeful, and I'm irrationally sensitive. But now, now I'm going to focus all of that somewhere else.
I will spread my love across my dream for humanity, a hope that someday the world won't be so cruel. My sensitivity won't hold me back, it will give me a new level of compassion for every experiencer of this reality. There's so much I want to do, and it breaks my heart to know I'll be doing it alone, but I'm going to try. I'm going to try. I have to try.
Goodbye, EP. Thanks for everything.
Goodbye my friends. Thanks for trying to shine a light in my dark world.
Goodbye my lover. Someday you'll find me here... let yourself enjoy the experience of what it means to be you, you're as bright as a star.
My very best wishes to all of you, I hope you find everything you're looking for. And as always, keep your chin up!
26-30, M
