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I M Stressed

And This Is The Reason Why... Those of you that know me, know a little of my life ...

A new friend, here on Ep asked me why I was stressed .... Let me tell you .....

Ok .. Get comfy .. This may go on a bit .. I may get distracted .. Soz if I do ...

I have grown up in a strange family .. 

Mom and dad seperated Many years ago .. Mom sat in her room.. Dad in his ... 

About 3-4 years ago . Dad started to get unsteady on his feet ... And one night .. Had a fall .. Broke his hip badly ..

Now let me tell you about dad .. He was a control freak of some sort ...
He did everything himself ... 
He did the shopping .. Gardening, dog walking .. Everything . All the banking... He let mum raise me and my bro .. And she cooked the meals .. But everything else .. He did ....

Now when he started getting unsteady .. I would come round and help him .. 
And after the fall .. I took over .. 
Mum didn't know how to do anything 
She had too Many  years of dad doing things for her ...
After 18 months after the fall .. Dad got real poorly ..

He had home careers in .. They was a nightmare 
They stole money .. They wrecked the bathroom .. Spilt bleach everywhere .. Broke the showr .. So much chaos...

Now .. Dad passed in feb this year ..
Mum is lost .. 
She relies on me so much ..
Problem is I have a business to run .. And a evening pt job ....
So each day is get up 0630
Round moms from 0900
Stay till 1400 ish 
Come home .. Eat . Go to work .. 
And I'm so tired .. So so tired .. 
I had a younger bro .. But he was murdered 15 yr ago ...
Another story for another time ...
So it's just me looking after mom 
......

And I'm at my wicks end ....

So exhausted ...
All day .. Every day .. For so long now ..
Mum won't have careers in .. At all 
Ive managed to get her to employ a gardener and a window cleaner . I couldn't keep up those tasks as well ..

I'm married .. And my wife hardly ever sees me .. So she's not happy 
I sit down and fall asleep these days 
I've lost so much weight
I'm falling apart .... 

Mum is only 70 
She is quite healthy .. Apart from some pain innher hand s and back 

She will do things around the house .. But other then the docs or hospital .. She hasn't been out in years .....

How do you cope ??
How do you find the strength ???

I can't just abandon her .....but I'd like her to be a lil independent a bit ...
I'm 45 .. If she lives another 20-30 years. I'm gonna be nearly 70 !!!
My life seems to be flashing past .. And I'm losing control .. 

Sorry to go on ... But ... That's how if feel these days !!!!

 
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