I Feel Alone

**Warning** Kinda long! Just needed to vent!! I have never felt more alone then I do right now. Past few days I have bin fighting the urge to cry. I am living with my bf. I do love him. I moved away from all family and friends to be with him. To a small town. Where No matter what I will not be accepted because of my nationality. To the point where I have lived here for nearly 5 year's now. Still to this day, literally only person I know is my bf. I am a very friendly people person who loves to always be out doing something. But I have had many bad experiences when I have tried to do stuff here. So now I hardly leave the house. An my bf makes me feel alone even when he's home. We totally have no more intimacy. An now have separate room's. To the point where there were few time's id totally forget he's even home. An all my friends and family hardly talk to me. For them it's outta site, outta mind. I try to talk with them, and they make me feel like I am buggin them. But are all over me when I go home for a visit. But go straight back to practically ignoring me after I leave. I know cliche but I turned to food. Never thought I would be this person. So obviously gained weight. An now because of that I feel to ugly for anybody to love or want! I hate myself so much for this. I hate my entire existence! .....Sorry for this being so long. Just needed to get it out!