Am I Alone or Am I Lonely ~ Inane Ramblings of a Maddened Mind - Pay No Attention to the Man Without a Curtain
When you’re alone but deeply want love, the experience can be a mix of peaceful solitudes and soul aching longings.
I'm not sure where I am but I'm trying to figure it all out anyways...
There's loneliness and then there's being alone...
It’s not just about being physically unaccompanied, it’s about the emotional space between your inner desire for true connections and the heartbreaking reality of being completely on your own.
So..., "Is it Loneliness or is it Solitude?", I ask myself...
Loneliness is supposedly the feeling of disconnection. Even in the company of others, you feel alone.
It sets in when I'm surrounded but still feel unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally unsupported,
Solitude, on the other hand, is choosing to be alone for your own benefit.
Like in times you want/need to reflect, recharge, or focus on yourself.
But when you crave love, solitude can feel so fucking heavy because it’s not self-chosen in the way that brings comfort or peace.
Emotional emptiness~ as if something vital is missing.
Self-doubt~ wondering if you’re unworthy of love or if you’ll ever be truly seen.
Restlessness~ the pull to reach out, but the fear of rejection or rejection of your own vulnerability.
Isolation~ even if you’re near others, you may feel cut off from them
Those things hurt. Even more when you've expended some of your effort and energy into those people or those dynamics...
Ugh!
Therein we could decide to look at the paradox of solitude and what that is, I guess? If we have to….
Some people find peace in being alone, using it to reflect, create, or heal.
Something that I myself find as unrecognizable. Even if I understand the precept of it.
As a man who has only ever wished for a true connection to friends and lovers, I suppose the concept lacks the depth of feeling I find intrinsic to living?
But when love is my deepest need, that my peace can be overshadowed by the absence of another’s presence...,
I might say that I could possibly enjoy the freedom of solitude, but the longing for a hand to hold, a voice to share with, or a heart to understand me...
Well..., that just makes it feel like a prison of my own making and fault.
So how then do I to navigate it?
I could acknowledge my feelings.... UGH!
It’s probably normal to want love; and it doesn’t mean that I'm broken beyond repair...
I could set boundaries...., YIKES!
Protecting my time and energy seems normal enough. Doesn't it?
In those ways I could enjoy the solitude, make it count, without it becoming my safe space from connections.
But, being alone when I want love feels like standing in a room with the lights on but no one in there with me
It’s a space where I could possibly reflect, grow, and evolve into who knows what.
At least that's what my therapist would try to tell me anyway...
But to me..., its also a place where the absence of another’s presence feels more like a wound that I've somehow earned or deserve than it does any of the rest.
I'm still not sure if I'm lonely or alone, but after 40 minutes of trying to type something people will read in 4 minutes or completely ignore…,
I'm leaning towards lonely.
Peace.
Be well
Live happy
Keep trying....
That's what I'm trying to do.
Rob
I'm not sure where I am but I'm trying to figure it all out anyways...
There's loneliness and then there's being alone...
It’s not just about being physically unaccompanied, it’s about the emotional space between your inner desire for true connections and the heartbreaking reality of being completely on your own.
So..., "Is it Loneliness or is it Solitude?", I ask myself...
Loneliness is supposedly the feeling of disconnection. Even in the company of others, you feel alone.
It sets in when I'm surrounded but still feel unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally unsupported,
Solitude, on the other hand, is choosing to be alone for your own benefit.
Like in times you want/need to reflect, recharge, or focus on yourself.
But when you crave love, solitude can feel so fucking heavy because it’s not self-chosen in the way that brings comfort or peace.
Emotional emptiness~ as if something vital is missing.
Self-doubt~ wondering if you’re unworthy of love or if you’ll ever be truly seen.
Restlessness~ the pull to reach out, but the fear of rejection or rejection of your own vulnerability.
Isolation~ even if you’re near others, you may feel cut off from them
Those things hurt. Even more when you've expended some of your effort and energy into those people or those dynamics...
Ugh!
Therein we could decide to look at the paradox of solitude and what that is, I guess? If we have to….
Some people find peace in being alone, using it to reflect, create, or heal.
Something that I myself find as unrecognizable. Even if I understand the precept of it.
As a man who has only ever wished for a true connection to friends and lovers, I suppose the concept lacks the depth of feeling I find intrinsic to living?
But when love is my deepest need, that my peace can be overshadowed by the absence of another’s presence...,
I might say that I could possibly enjoy the freedom of solitude, but the longing for a hand to hold, a voice to share with, or a heart to understand me...
Well..., that just makes it feel like a prison of my own making and fault.
So how then do I to navigate it?
I could acknowledge my feelings.... UGH!
It’s probably normal to want love; and it doesn’t mean that I'm broken beyond repair...
I could set boundaries...., YIKES!
Protecting my time and energy seems normal enough. Doesn't it?
In those ways I could enjoy the solitude, make it count, without it becoming my safe space from connections.
But, being alone when I want love feels like standing in a room with the lights on but no one in there with me
It’s a space where I could possibly reflect, grow, and evolve into who knows what.
At least that's what my therapist would try to tell me anyway...
But to me..., its also a place where the absence of another’s presence feels more like a wound that I've somehow earned or deserve than it does any of the rest.
I'm still not sure if I'm lonely or alone, but after 40 minutes of trying to type something people will read in 4 minutes or completely ignore…,
I'm leaning towards lonely.
Peace.
Be well
Live happy
Keep trying....
That's what I'm trying to do.
Rob
