I Feel So Alone

"I feel so alone" That is truly an understatement for me. I can't fully describe how lonely I feel on the inside and outside. Why I feel lonely and out of place in this world is complicated to explain. When I analyze my emotions enough and find the core reason as to why I'm suffering painful loneliness, it never fails to bring stinging tears to my eyes.. I'm not at all trying to gain sympathy from this. What I want to know more than anything right now is this.. Does any one else feel the same as I do? Am I really not alone after all? Knowing if there are others out there like me will definitely ease the pain. I don't make friends easily or trust easily. That is just one of many reasons why I'm lonely and isolated. If you know what its like, please let me know and be honest and kind. That's all I have to say.

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

right there with you, the weight of emptiness is astounding. living life behind walls that have been there since you can remember makes you question why? what did you do to deserve a life imprisoned within yourself?

LoveHateTragedy · 31-35, F

@lovingdead I have questioned before as to why I endure this suffering and why I've been dealt the cards I have. I try to tell myself that things will get better but I honestly don't know how to hold onto hope. I've tried but some how it ends up slipping away

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@LoveHateTragedy i get that, yet other times i feel that even at my absolute lowest points somehow i keep going. as if there is some kind of hope buried deep within me that no matter how much i dig, or claw at my insides i can never reach it. (yet i also ponder if i am just attempting to romanticise it in order to keep going) gifted with an undying hope, perennial in nature, so many cycles of withering and blooming.

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead you're very morbid 😲

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie thank you, though I prefer to think of it as darkly eccentric

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead maybe you should read some stories by Edgar Allen Poe? seems to fit your life outlook very well 😲

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie I've read him, he has some good pieces. Though not everything is shadows, doom, and existential dread....there is also stars and hope. life is a coin, one side light one dark. Each having their ups and downs.

Actually there is a quote by poe "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Speaking of when his wife was dying of tuberculosis, the insanity he speaks of was hope that she'd recover, the horrible sanity was the truth she was dying and couldn't be helped.

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead relating to your post i was more thinking of the one were you end up in a box underground scratching your nails against the wooden lid from the inside - i guess you must like that one?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie I like how it conveys the struggle many people go through, but the imagery and concept of it sucks. Humans can have near unlimited combinations of emotions, yet we can lack the words to express them and share them with people, so it makes those times when it is done correctly/well all the more special.

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead and how lonely you must feel being buried in the coffin of yours, right? 😱I mean in relation to your original post.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

Yeah, but many people have their coffins, cages, walls, prisons, etc.....loneliness haunts many people

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead yes, it that situation you're absolutely alone! must be scary feeling?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie yes it does suck....not scary in the sense of danger, just fear in the sense it may never change.

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead do you think it will ever change for you?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie no, but I hope I'm wrong. Though at the same time hopelessness doesn't fit me right either....

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead just looking at your profile pic makes one think of dreadfulness and confinement 😢 i hope one day you can be set free become like a normal human being 🤗

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie thank you, till then I'll wander the dark searching for fallen stars.

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead what fallen stars do you collect?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie not to collect, just to find, help if I can. To seek the bits of light lost in the dark

newbie · 31-35, F

@lovingdead not to drag them into your dark coffin?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@newbie oh no, that's no place for stars