What should I do
I need advice, what should I do? I don't know who to run to anymore. So for context, my NL(No label hshshs) and my fg(friend group) keep arguing.+my NL was the one helping me get over my previous crush which makes me even more twisted now.
Don't get me wrong they have valid points and I don't wanna say what they're arguing over but it includes me. Oh how badly I hate it, so for starters I started having feelings for my nl silently until I told my friend and she started being you know very supportive, but it faded into something more pushy and in the end she rushed things or THEY rushed things between us. They made us do non-casual things(NOT INAPPROPRIATE) when we were still friends, which I very much hated because we ended up confessing to each other earlier than expected. And because of them everything was rushed and I didn't know how I truly felt(I've only liked him for a few weeks). I couldn't process how I truly felt which made me feel like a horrible person for not really knowing if whether I truly liked him or just because he was nice to me. To add more, I wanted to have a slow burn and more time for myself because I haven't fully moved on from my previous crush which plays an important part on why I'm so lost and confused right now. I wanted things to be taken slowly, that's why I started having different feelings towards my fg, that they weren't considering how I felt and my feelings weren't valid. I let them do what they want to me because I knew even if I confronted them they'd find a way to justify themselves and make me the wrong one instead, but that doesn't mean I'm not aware that I should in fact tell them how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if they are even considering how I feel or are just controlling me and my NL because they think I'm not capable or they see me as a child. Lately, my thoughts have been getting worse, I haven't been able to look at them the same way recently. I've been getting more and more anxious throughout the days and I have no one to fully rant how I feel. I'm almost at my breaking point.
Recently, everything became worser for me as my NL and fg have beef with each other. They argue constantly RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. It makes me feel vulnerable and silently attacked, it's like they're silently telling me to pick whose side I'm on. They know that I hate picking sides I really do, so why are they invalidating how I feel. When they were forcing him to sit at our table and make him sit beside me—they kept teasing and even said "Dont pretend like you guys dont like this idea" which I find absolutely baffling. Don't get me wrong, they're my friends and I love them I really do, but sometimes they cross my boundaries. The entire time I was uncomfortable but I pushed a smile because I knew I'd get invalidated.
But now, I'm at my breaking point. I keep on getting overwhelmed and anxious with everything, I can't face my nl and fg without being guilty, I'm becoming more violent, and I've been "not being gentle" with my wrist. I keep on losing energy to do anything or talk to someone and what makes it worse they were arguing and they were so proud of themselves on what they were saying in the same gc as me(our fg gc). I get that my nl is mean and harsh with truth, but that doesn't mean my fg is any better. Seriously, I want them to stop already, I just don't want them to have conflict and just befriend each other. It's honestly so tiring to just stay in the middle as they constantly try to get you to say something—but I don't have the guts to confront them. I'm honestly just so tired of this and I want them to stop fighting. Why aren't they thinking of me, why don't they think about how I feel, and how I think. Why aren't they being considerate, what do they expect me to do? Drop him? Just pretend they didn't do anything wrong? I don't even want to talk to my nl or fg because of this, I'm in disbelief they can be this inconsiderate. Don't get me wrong, I love the both of them—I care and love my friends I really do, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just not worth understanding.
I just need advice.. Or just someone who has also gone through a situation similar to mine. Please, help me figure this out.
Don't get me wrong they have valid points and I don't wanna say what they're arguing over but it includes me. Oh how badly I hate it, so for starters I started having feelings for my nl silently until I told my friend and she started being you know very supportive, but it faded into something more pushy and in the end she rushed things or THEY rushed things between us. They made us do non-casual things(NOT INAPPROPRIATE) when we were still friends, which I very much hated because we ended up confessing to each other earlier than expected. And because of them everything was rushed and I didn't know how I truly felt(I've only liked him for a few weeks). I couldn't process how I truly felt which made me feel like a horrible person for not really knowing if whether I truly liked him or just because he was nice to me. To add more, I wanted to have a slow burn and more time for myself because I haven't fully moved on from my previous crush which plays an important part on why I'm so lost and confused right now. I wanted things to be taken slowly, that's why I started having different feelings towards my fg, that they weren't considering how I felt and my feelings weren't valid. I let them do what they want to me because I knew even if I confronted them they'd find a way to justify themselves and make me the wrong one instead, but that doesn't mean I'm not aware that I should in fact tell them how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if they are even considering how I feel or are just controlling me and my NL because they think I'm not capable or they see me as a child. Lately, my thoughts have been getting worse, I haven't been able to look at them the same way recently. I've been getting more and more anxious throughout the days and I have no one to fully rant how I feel. I'm almost at my breaking point.
Recently, everything became worser for me as my NL and fg have beef with each other. They argue constantly RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. It makes me feel vulnerable and silently attacked, it's like they're silently telling me to pick whose side I'm on. They know that I hate picking sides I really do, so why are they invalidating how I feel. When they were forcing him to sit at our table and make him sit beside me—they kept teasing and even said "Dont pretend like you guys dont like this idea" which I find absolutely baffling. Don't get me wrong, they're my friends and I love them I really do, but sometimes they cross my boundaries. The entire time I was uncomfortable but I pushed a smile because I knew I'd get invalidated.
But now, I'm at my breaking point. I keep on getting overwhelmed and anxious with everything, I can't face my nl and fg without being guilty, I'm becoming more violent, and I've been "not being gentle" with my wrist. I keep on losing energy to do anything or talk to someone and what makes it worse they were arguing and they were so proud of themselves on what they were saying in the same gc as me(our fg gc). I get that my nl is mean and harsh with truth, but that doesn't mean my fg is any better. Seriously, I want them to stop already, I just don't want them to have conflict and just befriend each other. It's honestly so tiring to just stay in the middle as they constantly try to get you to say something—but I don't have the guts to confront them. I'm honestly just so tired of this and I want them to stop fighting. Why aren't they thinking of me, why don't they think about how I feel, and how I think. Why aren't they being considerate, what do they expect me to do? Drop him? Just pretend they didn't do anything wrong? I don't even want to talk to my nl or fg because of this, I'm in disbelief they can be this inconsiderate. Don't get me wrong, I love the both of them—I care and love my friends I really do, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just not worth understanding.
I just need advice.. Or just someone who has also gone through a situation similar to mine. Please, help me figure this out.
