Have any of you experienced, or heard of….

…men going through a midlife crisis at the age of 32?
I always thought it happened later in life, but maybe not…?
So, in November my son and his wife split up and while they BOTH are being so very immature and acting despicably to each other (it has been so very ugly and nasty!) but my son is exhibiting some VERY disturbing thoughts, desires and actions. He’s not even the man I thought I knew. (For example, the latest is that he is going to just walk away from her AND the kids…says she can have his money, the house, everything in it, the kids…he will give up, and leave them all to some better life which he says they will have without him)
I am trying so very hard to determine whether or not this is really who he is or if it could be something more, something deeper in him.

I am absolutely heartbroken by his behaviours and I feel the need to understand it on some level.
And yes, I am imploring him at every turn to get some therapy/help and fight someone to talk to…I’m not just accepting this as it is, at least not until I have exhausted all options and am left with no other choice but to accept it 🤦‍♀️

Have any of you some insight or wisdom you might share? Something perhaps I hadn’t thought of??
I need some help on this one

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Northwest · M

32, Wife, Kids, House??

How old was he when he got married? How long were they together prior to getting married?

He was already married with kids, before he figured out what he wants out of life, or before he figured that what he got out of life, is a tiny fraction of what someone should have gotten, prior to starting a family. And that includes education,, experimentation with jobs, dating, sex, wild times, travel, and so forth and so on.

He wants to get caught up. Reality though, is that he's already got luggage, and his knee-jerk reaction is to drop the luggage off and freelance it for a while.

We only live once. I'm condoning his behavior, just saying that confronting him with all his bad choices, is a bad idea.

Yes, I've heard of this, too many times. Men and women do it.

You may want to help him out, make the best choices, within the parameters he's already set out to explore, to see if you can contain the emotional and family damage that you know is going to happen.

I had a couple of extremely successful colleagues, who dad, one day got up and left. Decades later, they located him (when they were very successful tech entrepreneurs). He was living 5 minutes from them, and one of the most successful attorneys in the state.

Happened to my ex as well. His dad picked up and left, when she was 4, leaving a 21-year old wife, homeless. After our kid was botn, she asked me to hire an agency to locate him. He's been in and out jail, a few times, had gotten married a couple of times, had other kids. Not once tried to contract, even though he was also living 5 minutes away. My Kids never met their their grandfather, and I don't want them to.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Northwest They’ve been together for 14 years, they met at 16, had their first child at 22, married at 24, now at 32 they’ve had two houses…this last one they just bought in the summer. It’s big and comes with a big mortgage. 🤦‍♀️ He is a crane operator and makes good money, and she always seemed to have a need to keep up with the joneses. So they lived to their max, I guess (I didn’t know about their financial particulars, but I’m sure hearing about it now that they’re split!!)

Northwest · M

@ImpeccablyImperfect Your son is dealing with a number of stressors, added up, I understand why he snapped.

He has not experienced the same life that a typical peer would have had. Gone to college, dated, traveled, etc. And the media, constantly reminds him of all the things he missed out on.

Financially, and while crane operators are paid well, he woke up one day, did the math, and figured out that he's at the top of his pay scale now, and nowhere to go, and at some point, the deck of cards will come crashing down.

You may be able to sit down with him, and explain that you understand the predicament he's in. Help him our emotionally, as he "scales down", and go back to school, or acquire a skill that he can grow with, for the rest of his working life.

Best of luck helping your son out, dealing with all of this.