Have any of you experienced, or heard of….

…men going through a midlife crisis at the age of 32?
I always thought it happened later in life, but maybe not…?
So, in November my son and his wife split up and while they BOTH are being so very immature and acting despicably to each other (it has been so very ugly and nasty!) but my son is exhibiting some VERY disturbing thoughts, desires and actions. He’s not even the man I thought I knew. (For example, the latest is that he is going to just walk away from her AND the kids…says she can have his money, the house, everything in it, the kids…he will give up, and leave them all to some better life which he says they will have without him)
I am trying so very hard to determine whether or not this is really who he is or if it could be something more, something deeper in him.

I am absolutely heartbroken by his behaviours and I feel the need to understand it on some level.
And yes, I am imploring him at every turn to get some therapy/help and fight someone to talk to…I’m not just accepting this as it is, at least not until I have exhausted all options and am left with no other choice but to accept it 🤦‍♀️

Have any of you some insight or wisdom you might share? Something perhaps I hadn’t thought of??
I need some help on this one

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uncalled4 · 56-60, M

I don't. I wish I could help. I've heard of parents regretting having kids. All the same, I have never desired to have them myself, but I HAVE BEEN divorced and the wanting to just start completely over is real.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@uncalled4 I get that and I’m trying to come to terms with the thought that he might actually truly want to walk away from it all. It breaks my heart so much, thinking of my grandkids now, and how to help them come through all this as unscathed as possible 💔

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@ImpeccablyImperfect I'm not saying this applies in any way to your son's situation, but I know so many married guys who are essentially human ATMs. They're allowed nothing and produce only for the wife and kids to consume. That's it. Any of their personal interests are done either under protest or passive-aggressively. At the very least, he's got some things to unpack, and his grief process is his own. I could imagine him chilling out for awhile and rejoining things, but not knowing him or his situation, it's far too much extrapolation.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@uncalled4 I believe he feels like that too. That he’s just a money tap. Although, he has been one of the best fathers I’ve ever seen. He works 12 hours a day, then comes home, helps with kids, dinner, homework, etc…then he will help with bath time (they have three kids!) and bedtime…and get up to do it all again.
I say this all in utter admiration simply because I did not have the same attentive husband. He never lifted a finger. And if I asked for help, he AND his mother would chastise me and remind me that “He has worked hard all week, he needs his rest!”

So to see him being so involved with the kids made me feel so proud.
*sighs* it’s just so hard to see it all going on and feeling helpless.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@ImpeccablyImperfect Geez, he did all that, wtf did SHE do? No wonder he wants out. I've seen it again and again, men are expected to provide, support, etc., with a sense of entitlement and zero appreciation. We get treated to terms like "toxic masculinity" as a reward.

It sounds like he was all in as a dad, so see what happens after the dust settles--I think he just may have snapped. I do not know him, so no way to tell.

I am sorry to hear that you, too, were treated badly and ganged up on. What kind of a man has his mother step in to fight with his wife? Holy f***, I'd die a thousand deaths if my mom stepped to my gf on my behalf.

The sad truth is that no good deed goes unpunished, no matter who you are. Dale Carnegie would give me a wedgie, but one of the ways you can influence someone is by being respectful and kind..to a point...and telling them to shove it up their ass when they cross a line. It's weird how people's attitudes change when they get the message that you won't accept getting shit on; it's a twisted way to get respect. But it works.