I wanna be selfish and just end it all right now

But I can’t because that’s a lot, dumping my kids on somebody else to take care of all because I’m mentally ill and can’t get a grip on life to handle shit on my own. I’m really not ok mentally. I’m the most fucked up person on this planet. I don’t think at all. I never learn abd probably never ever will. I’m so stressed out with everything going on.