⚠️TW: eating disorders, anorexia and weight torture ⚠️
I remember girls my age and even women around me used to be like “I wish I had a body like yours”
Whole time I wish I had the body of a stranger I was following on the internet who had been photoshopping themselves. So at the time I was becoming vegan, skipping meals, and running 4 miles a day for 6 days a week. My whole body hurt. I was never satisfied with myself no matter how small I got. I was starving, exhausted, and fighting to reach a goal that was never gonna be enough for me 😭😭😢I always felt so bad for the people who said they wished they were built like me or they wished they were as dedicated to working out as me. I wasn’t dedicated to the workout. I was dedicated to controlling a part of me. I was dedicated to punishing myself. I was dedicated to making sure I was never losing a competition against myself. Regardless of how sick and self harming it was.
When I got myself together after my first pregnancy, I started enjoying food without guilt I felt the freest and I got comfortable. I got so comfortable that I can’t compromise food and flavour for weight loss anymore🥺 The thing about this mentality is you can never exist neutrally. It’s just straight up extremes. I was either anorexic and never happy with how much I lose or I’m comfortable and happy and never stepping on a scale 😂😂 Every time I try to comprehend the in-between it never makes sense to my mind. But anyways, Anorexia eats you and is never satisfied. Bulimia will burn a hole in your throat and never apologise. I was in 7th grade and looked starved and not once did I think I was perfect. The thing about perfection is…it’s a moving scale. Opt to be your best self within your means and not perfection 🥺🙏🏿
Whole time I wish I had the body of a stranger I was following on the internet who had been photoshopping themselves. So at the time I was becoming vegan, skipping meals, and running 4 miles a day for 6 days a week. My whole body hurt. I was never satisfied with myself no matter how small I got. I was starving, exhausted, and fighting to reach a goal that was never gonna be enough for me 😭😭😢I always felt so bad for the people who said they wished they were built like me or they wished they were as dedicated to working out as me. I wasn’t dedicated to the workout. I was dedicated to controlling a part of me. I was dedicated to punishing myself. I was dedicated to making sure I was never losing a competition against myself. Regardless of how sick and self harming it was.
When I got myself together after my first pregnancy, I started enjoying food without guilt I felt the freest and I got comfortable. I got so comfortable that I can’t compromise food and flavour for weight loss anymore🥺 The thing about this mentality is you can never exist neutrally. It’s just straight up extremes. I was either anorexic and never happy with how much I lose or I’m comfortable and happy and never stepping on a scale 😂😂 Every time I try to comprehend the in-between it never makes sense to my mind. But anyways, Anorexia eats you and is never satisfied. Bulimia will burn a hole in your throat and never apologise. I was in 7th grade and looked starved and not once did I think I was perfect. The thing about perfection is…it’s a moving scale. Opt to be your best self within your means and not perfection 🥺🙏🏿
22-25, F
