The hardest part about experiencing extensive trauma is the constant fear that people will hurt you. It doesn’t feel like a matter of if but when.
And it’s scary to experience vulnerability. The only way to grow though is to accept that vulnerability 😥You can’t have retrospect if you can’t open up. Opening up about the wounds at first feels beyond painful and uncomfortable. It sometimes kinda embarrassing but that probably has more to do with pride than anything 🤷🏿♀️
To fight abandonment fears, you must first stop abandoning yourself for the sake of people pleasing🤷🏿♀️ To fight not having your needs met by others, you must first meet those needs yourself. To combat trust issues, you must first trust in yourself. Listen to your instincts. Keep promises to yourself. You have to show yourself all the love and grace you were never afforded by others. Let go of guilt, shame, fear, and allow yourself the space to grieve every stage of loss and change. Survival is not a way of life!!
Healing is an exhausting and isolating journey but it’s so important to build yourself a village and a family.
My current relationship has exposed so much about me to myself 🥺
I always knew I was healed and that I always had a long ways to go but actually realizing how far I’ve come and how much more I’ve got to go is mind blowing. Looking at someone and admitting what’s really going on instead of being guarded, distant, and self preserving is panic inducing. Like in order for our bond to deepen I have to let you see the injured me…remove the facade of the strong independent black woman….you’ve got to be mad!
But I’m doing it and regardless of how things go, I let someone see me. The real me. The me that always feels like she has to fight for herself by herself…the me that fills the abandonment void by always abandoning herself. The me that lives life on survival mode but has so badly wanted to just live and experience the protection I’ve been affording others. And for that I feel strong. I feel closer to myself.
To fight abandonment fears, you must first stop abandoning yourself for the sake of people pleasing🤷🏿♀️ To fight not having your needs met by others, you must first meet those needs yourself. To combat trust issues, you must first trust in yourself. Listen to your instincts. Keep promises to yourself. You have to show yourself all the love and grace you were never afforded by others. Let go of guilt, shame, fear, and allow yourself the space to grieve every stage of loss and change. Survival is not a way of life!!
Healing is an exhausting and isolating journey but it’s so important to build yourself a village and a family.
My current relationship has exposed so much about me to myself 🥺
I always knew I was healed and that I always had a long ways to go but actually realizing how far I’ve come and how much more I’ve got to go is mind blowing. Looking at someone and admitting what’s really going on instead of being guarded, distant, and self preserving is panic inducing. Like in order for our bond to deepen I have to let you see the injured me…remove the facade of the strong independent black woman….you’ve got to be mad!
But I’m doing it and regardless of how things go, I let someone see me. The real me. The me that always feels like she has to fight for herself by herself…the me that fills the abandonment void by always abandoning herself. The me that lives life on survival mode but has so badly wanted to just live and experience the protection I’ve been affording others. And for that I feel strong. I feel closer to myself.
22-25, F
