"Knew this man who stopped by once just falling apart"

"With pain in his voice, explained he had a gun in his car.
Said he ain't going back to prison like he was ready for war.
Said it didn't matter since he didn't wanna live anymore".

I wrote that in a song back in 2016. It was about this guy I'd met. He was from a gang thats supposed to be my enemy. Well, they ARE an enemy. But sometimes peace is made & theres an understanding between certain people for some reason.

We became cool because on a night when I had nowhere to go, nobody to turn to, I called my mom who I hadn't spoken to in years. She showed up even though she didn't have a car. He was the man driving. He was my moms husbands brother. So basically, my non-blood uncle, kinda 🤷

He seemed like a regular hard working landscaper when I met him, but when he took his shirt off one day & I saw him covered in tattoos I knew what he was. You couldn't see his tattoos if he had a t shirt on.
The tattoos he had signified extremely dangerous things he'd done in prison. Tattoos that only high ranking people are allowed to have. So I asked him about himself because I was curious who he was exactly.

He told me his whole life story basically. About how when he was 18 he got arrested for murder & served 10 years. He got out, stayed out for only a year, then went back in for murder again. 16 more years. It was all gang related of course & had to do with revenge for previous murders & whatnot. That sad cycle in the gang life. You kill someone, then their homies start killing your people. & It's just revenge back & forth forever. Theres never an end to it.

I don't condone that shit so don't lecture me, but I became close with the dude. He'd come over often & he'd always bring beer & we'd drink together & just bullshit. We both knew we were supposed to be enemies but since we were somewhat family & he watched me cry my eyes out the first night I met him, there was a vulnerability between us where we could be honest & cool.

I watched as he struggled to get his head back into normal society. He worked hard every day. One thing that he vented to me that hurt him more than anything was talking about his kids (who were adults now). He talked about how they hated him & wanted nothing to do with him. But he understood because he was in prison their entire lives so he didn't expect them to respect him. But he reached out all the time & would help them in any way they let him. Spent time when they allowed him to.

Eventually I could tell he started spiraling & it happened so fast. One night he came over & he started talking about how he had just robbed a gas station nearby & he didn't know what to do or where to go. The helicopters were literally circling right above our neighborhood at that moment but we acted casual & just talked. He started saying how he has a 9mm in his glovebox & he wasn't gonna go back to prison. He said he'll die before he goes back & that he was fine with that because he didn't wanna live anymore.

As soons as that sentence came out of his mouth he burst into tears.

He was obviously losing it & he started talking about his kids again. He said he doesn't deserve them. That he could never be someone they respect & he could never earn their trust back so why would he care about anything else when he can't have his kids.
He told me that we (me, my mom, & my moms husband), were the only people in his life that open our doors for him & treat him like a person so he loves us for that. He thanked me for always talking to him & not treating him like anybody else would.

Then he began to talk about anger. He knew I was an angry person inside & he knew a lot about my story as well. He told me to let my anger go. He said that when you let your anger take over your life it ruins you. You black out & you don't remember things (which struck me deeply because I would often black out when I snapped on people back then).
He was basically warning me that if I keep holding on to my anger the way I was then I could end up in his shoes too. He saw too much love in me to be that way.

It was a long, difficult conversation & by the end, his brother came out & hugged him while they both cried in each others arms.
I held it together for the sake of the conversation but at that moment is when I walked away. I went to be alone & I started crying my eyes out thinking about everything he had said. Especially about the anger. I WAS angry & I was being very reckless with my life. Fighting people regularly, my fists were practically swollen all the time from fighting & it's ironic because I was still one of the friendliest people you could meet. I respected everyone... but I took no shit. If someone brought beef to my table I had no problem handling it. It's almost like I enjoyed when somebody gave me a reason.

That very night, I quit being angry at my father. Not for his sake but for mine. Because I realized that's where all my anger came from & I didn't want to carry that anymore. It still took me another few years before I talked to him again but after that night I was no longer mad at him. I just wanted to understand & I wasn't ready to yet.

A few nights later it was Christmas Eve.
That night, a cop was murdered at the casino. We got a call & we were told to turn on the news. They were blasting pictures of my uncle everywhere saying he killed the officer. The story was that he was breaking into a car & when a retired officer tried to intervene he ended up shot & killed. Suspect was still on the run.

I woke up Christmas morning to him showing up at the door. He left his shoes, car keys, & cigarettes with me because I told him I'll get rid of it all & he needs to leave fast. He hugged me then left. That was the last time I ever saw him.

For 2 weeks he was on the run & FBI was literally camped outside my house + every block in my neighborhood. Talking to all my neighbors. Showing up to my door trying to question me. Basically harassing me & blatantly stalking me as if they were trying to scare me but I wasn't bothered. I just carried on like usual & would offer them pie, tea, cake, just to be casual.

When they eventually caught him, his own cousins set him up. Right after one of his own brothers tried to kidnap him too.
The cops hit him with a car & beat the shit out of him before they arrested him. His mugshot was so bad it didn't even look like him. His face was swollen & huge, his eyes didn't look right. The cops broke 4 of his ribs, his jaw, his collarbone, & multiple places in his arms. When you kill a cop, they really take revenge on you purposely.

Craziest thing of it all, is I strongly believe he didn't kill that cop... it was his daughters husband. Because I saw the surveillance pictures & I saw the man who was stealing the car. I knew who it was. But I think he took the heat for it because he knew he was gonna go back anyway & he wanted to earn his daughters respect somehow. They were all at the casino together that night & he drove his own car to bring them all there. So I see no reason why he would need to steal a car. None of it added up. It still doesn't. But it ended how it ended. He's serving life in prison now.

Anyway, sorry for the long story. I know only some of you read all of this rambling so I appreciate it 🙏 I just wanted to share that because I started to get a little angry again lately & I had to remind myself of some things. Like this story, for example.

I'll even include a picture he sent me about two years ago. Not directly to me but I talked to his mom & had her talk to him for me to tell him how much he impacted me.
He said he loves me & he gave his mom a picture of himself in prison, to give to me. & Also a prayer card that I keep in my wallet every day even though I'm not Catholic.

He's the guy in the middle here