You are not disposable
I was 6 the day before I went to foster care for the first time.
I got off the school bus at the wrong stop.
My mom wanted me to tell the bus driver to change the stops...I was scared to ask him, so I didn't, and he let me off in my usual spot. Well, my mom was waiting for me at the intersection.... the wrong stop.. some how it happened that I was home before she got there. She was so mad that I hadn't done what she said.
We lived in an unfinished detached garage, When I say unfinished, I mean that the rooms were to the studs... I don't remember a bathroom, or a kitchen. Only a mattress in a room surrounded by 2x4''s.....the mattress was where I was laying when my mom and my stepdad started fighting. She was mad at me, and he was defending me. "How do you expect a 1st grader to change the bus route?" I was crying....
I went to school the next morning, Sitting as far back in the classroom as I could. My dirty ill-fitting clothes made me stand out enough, I wasn't trying to attract attention.
All of a sudden my teacher hollers from the front of the room. "C come up here right now!! "
"Oh no, I am in trouble now" my 6 year old brain thought
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!? YOU ARE GOING TO THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE RIGHT NOW!!!"
I didn't say anything, but I knew that she was talking about the bruise on my face. The perfect outline of my moms hand across my cheek,... the perfect imprint of her finger marks were black and blue on the side of my face, and I knew it.
The only thing I could think was, "oh gosh, I am in so much trouble. This is what I get for getting off at the wrong bus stop."
Now I am terrified.... I arrive in the principles office, and there stands the tallest police officer ever, in full gear.
He says to me, "You are going to foster care"
?!?! FOSTER CARE ?!?! my tiny mind had NO idea what FOSTER CARE was?! The first thing I pictured was an outhouse, moon on the door, and everything!! I thought to myself, "This is child disposal; this is where they get rid of the kids, when you really screw up."
Since that day, I have believed that if I screw up too bad, people will get rid of me.
My mom, my first mom, was a raging alcoholic. They took me away because they loved me.
I make mistakes, still today. God says, I love you even if you mess up. He says, I chose you, knowing you will mess up. I am not getting rid of you, my child.
Ephesians 2:8-10
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.[/i]
I got off the school bus at the wrong stop.
My mom wanted me to tell the bus driver to change the stops...I was scared to ask him, so I didn't, and he let me off in my usual spot. Well, my mom was waiting for me at the intersection.... the wrong stop.. some how it happened that I was home before she got there. She was so mad that I hadn't done what she said.
We lived in an unfinished detached garage, When I say unfinished, I mean that the rooms were to the studs... I don't remember a bathroom, or a kitchen. Only a mattress in a room surrounded by 2x4''s.....the mattress was where I was laying when my mom and my stepdad started fighting. She was mad at me, and he was defending me. "How do you expect a 1st grader to change the bus route?" I was crying....
I went to school the next morning, Sitting as far back in the classroom as I could. My dirty ill-fitting clothes made me stand out enough, I wasn't trying to attract attention.
All of a sudden my teacher hollers from the front of the room. "C come up here right now!! "
"Oh no, I am in trouble now" my 6 year old brain thought
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!? YOU ARE GOING TO THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE RIGHT NOW!!!"
I didn't say anything, but I knew that she was talking about the bruise on my face. The perfect outline of my moms hand across my cheek,... the perfect imprint of her finger marks were black and blue on the side of my face, and I knew it.
The only thing I could think was, "oh gosh, I am in so much trouble. This is what I get for getting off at the wrong bus stop."
Now I am terrified.... I arrive in the principles office, and there stands the tallest police officer ever, in full gear.
He says to me, "You are going to foster care"
?!?! FOSTER CARE ?!?! my tiny mind had NO idea what FOSTER CARE was?! The first thing I pictured was an outhouse, moon on the door, and everything!! I thought to myself, "This is child disposal; this is where they get rid of the kids, when you really screw up."
Since that day, I have believed that if I screw up too bad, people will get rid of me.
My mom, my first mom, was a raging alcoholic. They took me away because they loved me.
I make mistakes, still today. God says, I love you even if you mess up. He says, I chose you, knowing you will mess up. I am not getting rid of you, my child.
Ephesians 2:8-10
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.[/i]
