I wanna tell this story about a friend who has been falling forever, I'll call him D
First time I met him was in 5th grade.. well I didn't really "meet" him that day. He was busy getting arrested on the sidewalk. I was going to my best friend's house (I'll call him R) & when R opened the door he told me "you see that guy in handcuffs over there? That's my big brother".
I never judged him because I got arrested a lot too but I never actually spoke to D at the time. My best friend looked up to him a lot & always talked about him so I felt like I knew him very well. Even though he wasn't around much.
Once we were in high school, that's when I started seeing D a lot more & we hit it off right from the start.
I remember my friends telling me it was crazy that we got along because they are a family of 4 brothers. All of them very rough, very street, types of people. None of them ever had a friend who could get along with the whole family. Any of their friendships always ended in huge fights once they met any of the other brothers.
I'm the only person who ever showed up & never had a problem fitting in. People we went to school with, people we knew, everybody was afraid of all the brothers so people thought it was weird I joined them like an extra brother. Even their mom called me her adopted son.
Anywho.. D got into worse things the older he got. Me & my friends were already drinking & smoking at that age & D was over 21 so he would buy us alcohol all the time. We'd ride with him to go pick up drugs & shit. Crazy shit happened here & there over the years. I remember him crashing cars, getting locked up, robbing people, he was fearless. I even remember the day their house got shot up while we were all watching TV. Nobody got hit but the bullets were everywhere. He left state after that because he felt guilty that he was the target.
While living out of state I guess he got into a lot darker stuff. He comes back to town sometimes to visit & every time I see him he's either relaxed.. or high as hell looking strung out. 2 years ago when he came back, he was planning to stay this time. But his first week back, he reconnected with his girlfriend that he was with for many years before he left. I'll call her W
I remember D hopping in the car with me & his youngest brother R (who is still my best friend til this day). He casually told me that W just died days before. I was shocked & I was like "wait, what? What happened?" & He told me with the flattest tone "We were together all night on Saturday just getting high... She overdosed. Didn't make it" & he looked out the window. So nonchalant like it was just a regular day. My heart sank for him. I could hear in his voice that he wanted to cry but he didn't. He just sat there. He talked about how her family hates him (which is understandable) & how much he loved her. He said that was the only person who ever really understood him & didn't hate him.
After that I would see him smoke heroin & Percocets all the time. He was living with R & I remember R telling me once "dude I hate watching this. All he does is smoke that shit then nod off. He wakes up hours later & does the same thing again... But that's my brother. I know if he's not here nobody else would want him. I know I don't look up to him like I used to as a kid.. but part of me still sees him in that cool person he was before. I know that's still there".
D kept doing his thing until he decided to leave on his own. He didn't say anything & nobody knew where he went. A few months later we found out he was arrested in California. He did 6 months then got out.
I don't have a reason for writing this I just wanted to talk about him. I've seen a lot of people addicted to stuff.. even people closer to me than he is. But I've been thinking about him a lot lately.
Last time I saw him was his mom's wedding last year. He came all the way from Cali to be part of it even though some people secretly didn't want him there. He took longer to get ready so everybody left without him. I was the one who chose to stay with him & give him a ride so he could be there.
In the car he told me "hey, I just want you to know that if anybody ever has a problem with you.. I got your back. Even if my own family came to me & told me that you f*cked one of them over I'll take your side & stand with YOU before my own family. Because you're such a genuine person & the only person I know who has never said anything negative to me. I've never seen you do anybody wrong. So I KNOW that if anybody ever had a problem with you.. it's not because of you. I honestly feel like if I was burning in a fire... you're the only person who would reach for me".
That was so sad to hear because I know we're not incredibly close..but the fact that he felt more comfortable with me than his own family was heartbreaking. I know he's not perfect & he's done a lot of wrong... but we all have. I have too. Even all his brothers. The only difference is we all escaped. He still hasn't.
I never understood deeper until I found out that he was raped as a kid. So was their oldest brother. The oldest brother turned out okay because he went through a lot of therapy growing up. D did not, D resorted to drugs & spent his whole life hating himself for what happened to him. Then losing his girlfriend & knowing that was his own fault just spiralled him so much further.
He's in prison now for armed robbery. Awaiting trial. They wanna give him 13 years. But his health is deteriorating extremely fast & he keeps ending up in hospitals because of almost dying so many times. The doctors don't think he'll live too much longer.
I wanted to write all this because I've been thinking about him & I found this song that he showed us all once when we were in high school. He said it's his absolute favorite song & he wants it played at his funeral.
I've heard it so many times over the years I know every word & it's such a heartbreaking song. But it says so much.
[media=https://youtu.be/WXTVDUYIZs8]
I never judged him because I got arrested a lot too but I never actually spoke to D at the time. My best friend looked up to him a lot & always talked about him so I felt like I knew him very well. Even though he wasn't around much.
Once we were in high school, that's when I started seeing D a lot more & we hit it off right from the start.
I remember my friends telling me it was crazy that we got along because they are a family of 4 brothers. All of them very rough, very street, types of people. None of them ever had a friend who could get along with the whole family. Any of their friendships always ended in huge fights once they met any of the other brothers.
I'm the only person who ever showed up & never had a problem fitting in. People we went to school with, people we knew, everybody was afraid of all the brothers so people thought it was weird I joined them like an extra brother. Even their mom called me her adopted son.
Anywho.. D got into worse things the older he got. Me & my friends were already drinking & smoking at that age & D was over 21 so he would buy us alcohol all the time. We'd ride with him to go pick up drugs & shit. Crazy shit happened here & there over the years. I remember him crashing cars, getting locked up, robbing people, he was fearless. I even remember the day their house got shot up while we were all watching TV. Nobody got hit but the bullets were everywhere. He left state after that because he felt guilty that he was the target.
While living out of state I guess he got into a lot darker stuff. He comes back to town sometimes to visit & every time I see him he's either relaxed.. or high as hell looking strung out. 2 years ago when he came back, he was planning to stay this time. But his first week back, he reconnected with his girlfriend that he was with for many years before he left. I'll call her W
I remember D hopping in the car with me & his youngest brother R (who is still my best friend til this day). He casually told me that W just died days before. I was shocked & I was like "wait, what? What happened?" & He told me with the flattest tone "We were together all night on Saturday just getting high... She overdosed. Didn't make it" & he looked out the window. So nonchalant like it was just a regular day. My heart sank for him. I could hear in his voice that he wanted to cry but he didn't. He just sat there. He talked about how her family hates him (which is understandable) & how much he loved her. He said that was the only person who ever really understood him & didn't hate him.
After that I would see him smoke heroin & Percocets all the time. He was living with R & I remember R telling me once "dude I hate watching this. All he does is smoke that shit then nod off. He wakes up hours later & does the same thing again... But that's my brother. I know if he's not here nobody else would want him. I know I don't look up to him like I used to as a kid.. but part of me still sees him in that cool person he was before. I know that's still there".
D kept doing his thing until he decided to leave on his own. He didn't say anything & nobody knew where he went. A few months later we found out he was arrested in California. He did 6 months then got out.
I don't have a reason for writing this I just wanted to talk about him. I've seen a lot of people addicted to stuff.. even people closer to me than he is. But I've been thinking about him a lot lately.
Last time I saw him was his mom's wedding last year. He came all the way from Cali to be part of it even though some people secretly didn't want him there. He took longer to get ready so everybody left without him. I was the one who chose to stay with him & give him a ride so he could be there.
In the car he told me "hey, I just want you to know that if anybody ever has a problem with you.. I got your back. Even if my own family came to me & told me that you f*cked one of them over I'll take your side & stand with YOU before my own family. Because you're such a genuine person & the only person I know who has never said anything negative to me. I've never seen you do anybody wrong. So I KNOW that if anybody ever had a problem with you.. it's not because of you. I honestly feel like if I was burning in a fire... you're the only person who would reach for me".
That was so sad to hear because I know we're not incredibly close..but the fact that he felt more comfortable with me than his own family was heartbreaking. I know he's not perfect & he's done a lot of wrong... but we all have. I have too. Even all his brothers. The only difference is we all escaped. He still hasn't.
I never understood deeper until I found out that he was raped as a kid. So was their oldest brother. The oldest brother turned out okay because he went through a lot of therapy growing up. D did not, D resorted to drugs & spent his whole life hating himself for what happened to him. Then losing his girlfriend & knowing that was his own fault just spiralled him so much further.
He's in prison now for armed robbery. Awaiting trial. They wanna give him 13 years. But his health is deteriorating extremely fast & he keeps ending up in hospitals because of almost dying so many times. The doctors don't think he'll live too much longer.
I wanted to write all this because I've been thinking about him & I found this song that he showed us all once when we were in high school. He said it's his absolute favorite song & he wants it played at his funeral.
I've heard it so many times over the years I know every word & it's such a heartbreaking song. But it says so much.
[media=https://youtu.be/WXTVDUYIZs8]
