I wish my boyfriend was here. He always knows what to do

On top of everything in my life, we’ve been fighting kinda. But I just miss the way he would always reassure me and calm me down when I’m anxious. I wish things would get better between us but at the same time, I also hate him for causing me to be so stressed out even more 😩😩 I feel like we need to start thinking about who can come around our little family once when we do have a baby together because the dudes he hangs around, I don’t trust them. The same shit happened with my ex and we had a baby together but now he’s locked up because he was hanging around the wrong crowd.
That’s why I don’t want a baby with this new dude or anything that’s gonna tie us together. I just wanna be able to leave when shit goes down. But I’m too attached. I get too attached to these certain dudes but deep down inside, I see something in him. He just hangs around shady people