How do you tell the LANDLORD to f-off

I had a neighbor who worked on bossing me around for years. The stress was so great I sought out a psychotherapist. I described a typical situation with my neighbor and asked him, "If this was your neighbor and she put you in this situation, what would you do?"
His answer, honest and unforgettable, was: "I have no idea."
I would suggest you see your neighbor as an annoying but funny TV sit-com character and learn to endure the crap he dishes out. Or move. Anything else just won't work. These people see themselves as being the helpful corrective parent you never had. They never see how obnoxious they really are.