So, let’s talk about trauma...
I think as human beings we’re all fascinated with conversations about things that stir up our demons or haunt us no matter how many years, even decades have passed.
I’ll try not to go too deeply into some details as to why I think I might be so deeply affected by such a subject, but I like comparing perspectives about other people, to try to pinpoint things about myself that have seriously disturbed me for a very long time. I am revealing myself with such an intense sense of vulnerability for a particular subject of conversation. So I ask:
Have you ever met another woman who literally has an absolute phobia about having kids or pregnancy in general ? It’s sort of strange, because I’ve never been or ever had any situations where I’d be in danger of becoming pregnant, so what was that fear ever based upon in the first place? Being around babies, especially holding them, makes me very uncomfortable. When people talk to me about the what it’s like being pregnant and the things going on with their bodies like feeling a baby kick, I literally cringe and tense up. That enology of another human life growing inside literally freaks me out so much that it’s equivalent in comparison, in my mind, as if we were describing how a huge tapeworm is thriving and intertwining through my guts and feeding on my flesh.
I never completely explain or make my feelings known out loud about this intense fear, because I feel like a huge...nuisance? When a pregnant woman talks to me about what it’s like to carry a child, I can’t even bring myself to go on and on congratulating them and being happy excited for them because I quite literally feel like I’m going to throw up. I feel the same as I do when I’m about to have an approaching panic attack.
The phobia of motherhood is literally so noticeably extremely high that I’ve been able to establish to some extent a clear distinction from fantasy and reality, in the perspective of what I can see in others at least. Most women love babies. They gush over photos online of them, and they find every opportunity they can to hold one if possible...and then there’s me. The young woman who literally is so terrified and disturbed by the subject.
I’m not really looking for sympathy, and I don’t need to hear, “oh, but being a mother is amazing! You’ll see someday!” I’m not looking to resolve this problem so that I can carry on and have kids. It’d just be nice for me to hear some input, especially from any older women on here that are maybe close to my mother’s age and discuss this.
I’ll try not to go too deeply into some details as to why I think I might be so deeply affected by such a subject, but I like comparing perspectives about other people, to try to pinpoint things about myself that have seriously disturbed me for a very long time. I am revealing myself with such an intense sense of vulnerability for a particular subject of conversation. So I ask:
Have you ever met another woman who literally has an absolute phobia about having kids or pregnancy in general ? It’s sort of strange, because I’ve never been or ever had any situations where I’d be in danger of becoming pregnant, so what was that fear ever based upon in the first place? Being around babies, especially holding them, makes me very uncomfortable. When people talk to me about the what it’s like being pregnant and the things going on with their bodies like feeling a baby kick, I literally cringe and tense up. That enology of another human life growing inside literally freaks me out so much that it’s equivalent in comparison, in my mind, as if we were describing how a huge tapeworm is thriving and intertwining through my guts and feeding on my flesh.
I never completely explain or make my feelings known out loud about this intense fear, because I feel like a huge...nuisance? When a pregnant woman talks to me about what it’s like to carry a child, I can’t even bring myself to go on and on congratulating them and being happy excited for them because I quite literally feel like I’m going to throw up. I feel the same as I do when I’m about to have an approaching panic attack.
The phobia of motherhood is literally so noticeably extremely high that I’ve been able to establish to some extent a clear distinction from fantasy and reality, in the perspective of what I can see in others at least. Most women love babies. They gush over photos online of them, and they find every opportunity they can to hold one if possible...and then there’s me. The young woman who literally is so terrified and disturbed by the subject.
I’m not really looking for sympathy, and I don’t need to hear, “oh, but being a mother is amazing! You’ll see someday!” I’m not looking to resolve this problem so that I can carry on and have kids. It’d just be nice for me to hear some input, especially from any older women on here that are maybe close to my mother’s age and discuss this.
26-30, F
