We're you bullied in school? What was the worst advice you got about bullying?

My own experience was that parents, teachers and other kids gave the absolute WORST advice about how to handle a bully.

Example: "Just stay away from him (or her).". Now this is just plain silly. Where do bullies thrive? In places such as schools or prisons, in other words, places where their victims are trapped with them and can't get away. Running away doesn't work in situations like that. Hiding doesn't work either; most bullies learn all the potential hiding places on their turf and take great joy in looking thoroughly and very quickly for their victims. Running and hiding also convey fear, a bully's favorite psychological food, and they become even more determined to engage with their obviously frightened fleeing and hiding victim. Then, when the bully finds the hiding or fleeing child and physically punishes him/her, and the child goes home and faces the parent who encouraged him/her to flee, the parent glares at the bruised child and says, "I TOLD YOU to stay away from him/her!" As if encountering the bully once again were the child's fault for disobeying the parent's impossible instructions.

What other examples of useless, or even destructive, advice were you given about dealing with a bully?

Anybody get any good advice about this? Anything that worked?

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Peapod · 61-69, F

It's been a long time since I have been out of school, but some of the bullying I endured in my preteen years really made an impression that stuck with me for a long time. Sadly, I was already abused at home and had no voice in school. It was truly horrible. I do know that none of us would have thought to tell a teacher or even our parents because we already knew the general advice given back then was to "ignore" it. I really tried and the more I did, the more a handful of girls taunted me. I hated school and it stopped me from doing a lot of things socially.

Fast forward to when I had my kids and came to learn they both had incidents of bullying. I nipped in right in the bud the moment I learned of it. My daughter went on to have a great time in school and did very well. My son was not so lucky. He was especially bullied to the extreme. He had autism and he was smaller than the other boys. These kids would literally hit him as he would be leaving to go home. I was doing all I could to inform his teachers and the school guidance counselor of the problem, hoping they would work with the kid's parents to get it to stop. It never did. Then one day my son finally swung back after a kid hit him in the back of the head while he was as his locker. Sounds like a small victory until I found out he was suspended for swinging back! That was the end of that for me! I went after the school district and they finally allowed him to go to a better school in their district. Sadly the damage was done and my son never was able to bounce back and finish traditional high school. He did get his GED though, scoring in the top 98%!

My advice to parents with this issue? Teach them self worth from day one and take anything they tell you seriously. Never tell them to just "ignore" it because they can't. And do not count on a school district being much help if the bullying is still continuing after you have notified them. Bullying really is no small matter.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Peapod I'd love to know what you did to "nip it in the bud." Schools do not like to address stuff like this, or at least not effectively.

Peapod · 61-69, F

@greenmountaingal , I guess when I say that, I meant I was immediately having dialogues with the school.

I do agree they really do little for a kid that is already getting pummeled emotionally and/or physically. I did threaten to sue until they agreed to allow my son to go to a better school in the same district to give him a new start.