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I don’t feel like my treatment plan is working

My medication doesn’t do anything. I feel like crying a lot, I get self-harmful more often to the point where I went out of my way to buy a knife that is extremely sharp to replace the one I was convinced to throw out, this mood stabilizer doesn’t stabilize my mood, I injured myself from doing my obsessive-compulsion too much (and the swelling and pain’s getting worse yet I can’t rest because I have to do it), I’m having a lot of sleep problems and slept through a whole class this week as well as got to two separate lectures 30 minutes late from oversleeping plus I was gonna take a nap from 1 to 3:30 pm today with an alarm but woke up at 7 pm instead with it turned off and no memory of how, I can’t do my fucking makeup because I keep oversleeping every day, I keep freaking out over all the homework that’s due and struggling to maintain my 3.0 GPA so I don’t get put on probation (hey I got a 95% on my Frankfurt argument summary so I’m happy about that), I’m heartbroken and fucking angry at Elliot who doesn’t act like he appreciates me yet I invest so much in him, and my romantic and sexual needs are not being met, BUT I don’t have suicidal thoughts. And my psychiatrist won’t do anything because of that. I might have to lie to her so she’ll do something more significant than just put the dose up. I don’t like this medication period. I’ve been taking it for 3 and a half months, I think.

Also, my new therapist doesn’t help me at all because I guess she’s still learning about me idk. I don’t feel helped when I leave there. The meetings are way too short too. The Counseling Center at my college doesn’t help either. Hell, my high school therapist was 100% better although the Counseling Center is much more available.

Also, the forced hospitalization cost my parents a ton because apparently the ambulance was out of network so I feel so guilty.

I miss my therapists that actually know me and help me like Mandy and Kalan and Mr. Cohen. It feels like the only one I regularly talk with who actually helps me is my girlfriend, [@900234,clooo]. Also, I haven’t gotten high or drunk in 3 weeks, and I’m kinda annoyed about that. Edit: now I’m a little tipsy. It makes doing my compulsion much more fun. Eh, the taste of alcohol is so, SO bad that I couldn’t get drunk if I wanted to. Unless it’s a screwdriver, I would actually drink that. I had one once; it was good.
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Have you tried a medication specifically for the ocd? And have you tried working with a clinic that uses interns, that's what schools usually have.
ShaythePanTransMan · 18-21, T
[@868864,HannahSky] No, I haven’t. I’m not diagnosed with OCD, but I have a compulsion I do every day for an hour or’s been much worse than usual for the last month. Oh, no. The only clinic we have is for speech therapy, as far as I know. My college is popular for that major.
[@961187,ShaythePanTransMan] might want to mention that you have anxiety (part of ocd behavior) if your doctor doesn't know already.
ShaythePanTransMan · 18-21, T
[@868864,HannahSky] Oh, she does; I’m diagnosed with GAD. I feel scared to tell her about the compulsion though. She’ll think it’s stupid....
[@961187,ShaythePanTransMan] no she won't. She should seek its an escalation of your anxiety symptoms.
ShaythePanTransMan · 18-21, T
[@868864,HannahSky] She thinks some other things in my life are stupid.... I guess that’s true. It was spurred by Elliot too. I almost wish I never met him.
[@961187,ShaythePanTransMan] would it be more helpful to work on that then and deal with him?
ShaythePanTransMan · 18-21, T
[@868864,HannahSky] Well, that’s something my therapist would do more so than Renata. But my therapist isn’t that helpful so far.
[@961187,ShaythePanTransMan] :/
ShaythePanTransMan · 18-21, T
[@868864,HannahSky] Yeah, sucks :(
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