i still love you

I still love you and I will still try to find you.. as soon as I learned more about you your work your dream life, your beauty hit me overwhelmed me. blocked it out crudely and wastefully.. then when many miles apart i felt for the first time a portal open up to a (that) face and energy as though it really was recognizing and sharing that feeling.. not thinking u experienced this too but uve shown the same rationalizing of what these sorts of things mean.. I was a goof and probably lost you before anything even was or maybe it never could have been.. I just want to feel that glow in my heart again.. holding you.. living being understood.. my words did not belong here or in a message.. I cannot seem to hear back from any suitable apartment.. and I would say more on that but you haven't called or you can't? did you really block me.. I want to die