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Should we feel sorry for people with autism?

This weekend my family had a party. One of the girls there my second cousin had a pair of noise cancelling headphones on.
Initially she was a little anxious and approached me, I hugged her and she said to me that she didn't know where to sit.
Another of the cousins approached and I asked her if she could help her to find somewhere to sit with all the other younger cousins.
When I turned away my mum said "oh gosh, I feel so bad! It's just so sad that she has autism as she's not like the other kids..."
I was really upset and asked her "why?"
She then said because she acts different.

I didn't say anything and just observed.
And what I saw as the night went on was the children were all playing together and including her in the games, in fact at one point she even let one of the boys try on her earphones despite being in the room where the loud music was playing.

The following morning my grandmother. Almost word for word said the same thing.

And I snapped and said "you and mum have said the same thing and I really don't know why everyone keeps saying that, she was quite nervous initially when she came into the room and once she was settled she was playing with all the other kids.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with her."

She took a moment to think and she noted that yes she was playing with the other kids.
I said to my grandparents
" I think the problem is that because we've never had to deal with anyone diagnosed with autism before, when we see the obvious differences and aids like the earphones, suddenly we associate it with a problem but actually of all the kids she's quieter, polite and doesn't like loud noises. But actually of all of them she's the one that vocalises when she's uncomfortable so we can help resolve the situation where as the others misbehave".
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CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
It seems that it's such a broad spectrum that saying someone has autism doesn't say much anymore. It could be a person with high functioning autism, even gifted in some department or it could be someone who is going to be dependent on care givers for all their life.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@CrazyMusicLover Well I don't know her very well and if I'm honest my grandmother and my mum don't know them as a family very well.
So for them to make such a statement felt uncaring and incredibly judgmental.
It really angered me because she is our family.
If this is how we judge them imagine how others treat them.

It really hurt to hear such a thing!
And the main reason they said it is not because she displays differences but simply because they'd be embarrassed to have to walk with her with her earphones on her head.

They're that shallow.

People often ask me why I have such a difficult relationship with my mum and this is one of the many reasons. She's hypercritical of others.

But expects an abundance of compassion when she doesn't quite get something right!
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Mellowgirl I understand you and it's hard for me to understand their reaction.