Should we feel sorry for people with autism?

This weekend my family had a party. One of the girls there my second cousin had a pair of noise cancelling headphones on.
Initially she was a little anxious and approached me, I hugged her and she said to me that she didn't know where to sit.
Another of the cousins approached and I asked her if she could help her to find somewhere to sit with all the other younger cousins.
When I turned away my mum said "oh gosh, I feel so bad! It's just so sad that she has autism as she's not like the other kids..."
I was really upset and asked her "why?"
She then said because she acts different.

I didn't say anything and just observed.
And what I saw as the night went on was the children were all playing together and including her in the games, in fact at one point she even let one of the boys try on her earphones despite being in the room where the loud music was playing.

The following morning my grandmother. Almost word for word said the same thing.

And I snapped and said "you and mum have said the same thing and I really don't know why everyone keeps saying that, she was quite nervous initially when she came into the room and once she was settled she was playing with all the other kids.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with her."

She took a moment to think and she noted that yes she was playing with the other kids.
I said to my grandparents
" I think the problem is that because we've never had to deal with anyone diagnosed with autism before, when we see the obvious differences and aids like the earphones, suddenly we associate it with a problem but actually of all the kids she's quieter, polite and doesn't like loud noises. But actually of all of them she's the one that vocalises when she's uncomfortable so we can help resolve the situation where as the others misbehave".

bijouxbroussard · F

I think you handled that situation beautifully. It is because some people "pity" those diagnosed, without fully understanding it that they’re often made to feel "different", when they’re not.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@bijouxbroussard personally growing up what I've seen is that my grandmother and even my mum have pushed for such perfection that there are family members that are a complete mess riddled with anxiety including me because we can never live up to their high expectations.
When they themselves seem to be dealing with something major.
My grandmother appears to have adhd and quite possibly ocd and incredibly controlling.
My mum is a hoarder, deals with depression and anxiety is incredibly disorganised and often impulsive (putting her foot in her mouth)
But they hold themselves to such high standards they are highly critical of everything and everyone and often very sad as a consequence.

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@Mellowgirl I grew up with ADHD and it's no fun, I had an older stepbrother who never understood what I was going through and made my life hell.