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InferenceEngine · 26-30, M
I don't think you're being petty but it really isn't an awful thing. Maybe find out why she wants to dress like you/buy the same clothes as you.
Maybe she wants to be closer to you or genuinely loves your sense of style. Which are both amazing things. You must have a great sense of fashion.
Yeah sure, I can see why it might be weird but I think you should probably think about why that's weird to you. Like are you worried people will say something?
You're an adult and so are the other people around you. I think it would be weirder for someone to make a big deal about it. Friends family etc do it all the time.
People end up matching or wearing the same mainstream outfits accidentally too.
Is there something deeper about your mother you're upset about?
As for her getting annoyed about her sister copying her clothing, I guess the same could be said about that too for her.
People copy and emulate what they like. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Inversely people try to distance or get away from what they do not like and if there's a commonality between the two or something/someone you dislike
reminds one of themselves, it can bothersome.
Maybe she wants to be closer to you or genuinely loves your sense of style. Which are both amazing things. You must have a great sense of fashion.
Yeah sure, I can see why it might be weird but I think you should probably think about why that's weird to you. Like are you worried people will say something?
You're an adult and so are the other people around you. I think it would be weirder for someone to make a big deal about it. Friends family etc do it all the time.
People end up matching or wearing the same mainstream outfits accidentally too.
Is there something deeper about your mother you're upset about?
As for her getting annoyed about her sister copying her clothing, I guess the same could be said about that too for her.
People copy and emulate what they like. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Inversely people try to distance or get away from what they do not like and if there's a commonality between the two or something/someone you dislike
reminds one of themselves, it can bothersome.
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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@InferenceEngine [quote]As for her getting annoyed about her sister copying her clothing, I guess the same could be said about that too for her.[/quote] this!
If it's not good for the goose it's not good for the gander!
She might be going through an identity issue since my dad died.
But the point is when I tried them on. She said she didn't like them. That they were young people trainers.
She did try them because i said to her feel how comfy they are, even then she still said she didn't like them.
So why go and buy them in the green when I said I was going to go back and buy them in that colour too!
She's admitted herself that she's a hypocrite!
And that is more the issue.
She always thinks it's OK for her to get away with doing things but noone else should.
I hate that people say we look like sisters because she's my mum and she should look like my mum.
My issue is the fact that my whole life I've been living in her flipping shadow and finally as I'm coming into my own and other people are starting to see that she can't deal with it.
So she's morphing into me to still bask in the whatever compliments she thinks she gets by being told she looks closer to my age.
But does she ever consider how that makes me feel?
I don't want to look her age!
If it's not good for the goose it's not good for the gander!
She might be going through an identity issue since my dad died.
But the point is when I tried them on. She said she didn't like them. That they were young people trainers.
She did try them because i said to her feel how comfy they are, even then she still said she didn't like them.
So why go and buy them in the green when I said I was going to go back and buy them in that colour too!
She's admitted herself that she's a hypocrite!
And that is more the issue.
She always thinks it's OK for her to get away with doing things but noone else should.
I hate that people say we look like sisters because she's my mum and she should look like my mum.
My issue is the fact that my whole life I've been living in her flipping shadow and finally as I'm coming into my own and other people are starting to see that she can't deal with it.
So she's morphing into me to still bask in the whatever compliments she thinks she gets by being told she looks closer to my age.
But does she ever consider how that makes me feel?
I don't want to look her age!
InferenceEngine · 26-30, M
@Mellowgirl I don't know what I don't know but from what you're saying it sounds like you don't want to look older. Which is understandable.
I don't think someone older than you dressing like you is going to make you appear older. If anything it will make your mother appear younger.
I know you said she should look her age but at least in my opinion that's mean to say to anyone. Especially your mother. She's only human too.
I think talking to her more about it is good. As painful as that might be but if I had to guess I think you're both struggling with wanting to be perceived as younger.
Her probably more than you.
Sorry you've lived life as her shadow as well. That definitely sucks and I'm guessing you didn't like that for some legitimate reasons.
Since you're older and an adult now, there's absolutely nothing she can do to make you feel like that again.
Other people giving her compliments or the way she dresses has nothing to do with you. Even if you both wear the same clothes, you're you. You can't look her age.
It's physically impossible. You also have your own friend circles and relationships outside of her.
At the end of the day they're just clothes. What's important is the person wearing them. You're not her shadow.
I don't think someone older than you dressing like you is going to make you appear older. If anything it will make your mother appear younger.
I know you said she should look her age but at least in my opinion that's mean to say to anyone. Especially your mother. She's only human too.
I think talking to her more about it is good. As painful as that might be but if I had to guess I think you're both struggling with wanting to be perceived as younger.
Her probably more than you.
Sorry you've lived life as her shadow as well. That definitely sucks and I'm guessing you didn't like that for some legitimate reasons.
Since you're older and an adult now, there's absolutely nothing she can do to make you feel like that again.
Other people giving her compliments or the way she dresses has nothing to do with you. Even if you both wear the same clothes, you're you. You can't look her age.
It's physically impossible. You also have your own friend circles and relationships outside of her.
At the end of the day they're just clothes. What's important is the person wearing them. You're not her shadow.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@InferenceEngine Well I'd rather she be my mum not being a hypocrite dressing exactly the way I do.
She constantly moans about women get age looking old. My mums worse fear is looking and getting old.
So yes for her looking younger is key.
But why dress like me.
I am my own person in all honesty I don't even really dress like people my own age since I don't follow trends.
Something when I was younger she claimed made me look older than my age!
(as you can hear constant insults come from her to me)
I am not by any account mean. I always help my mum to find and buy nice things. I'm always sending her links to clothes on websites if I see something I think she'd like.
But equally it's not something I would wear.
It's a frustrating/draining battle dealing with her criticism and insults about my choice of clothes or items she doesn't think will look good on her only for her to suddenly decide well actually, you might be on to something.
If she really liked my style she wouldn't insult me first!
She constantly moans about women get age looking old. My mums worse fear is looking and getting old.
So yes for her looking younger is key.
But why dress like me.
I am my own person in all honesty I don't even really dress like people my own age since I don't follow trends.
Something when I was younger she claimed made me look older than my age!
(as you can hear constant insults come from her to me)
I am not by any account mean. I always help my mum to find and buy nice things. I'm always sending her links to clothes on websites if I see something I think she'd like.
But equally it's not something I would wear.
It's a frustrating/draining battle dealing with her criticism and insults about my choice of clothes or items she doesn't think will look good on her only for her to suddenly decide well actually, you might be on to something.
If she really liked my style she wouldn't insult me first!
Chelsiegirl · 46-50, T
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Chelsiegirl but she wouldn't be your sister she'd still be your mum.
Chelsiegirl · 46-50, T
@Mellowgirl ya im bad with the whole logic of it all..
lacrossegirl25 · 22-25, F
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
InferenceEngine · 26-30, M
@Mellowgirl I read the link and it really lines up with some of what you were describing. I'm so sorry about that.
You could always set some boundaries but that's often nigh impossible in cases like these. The best thing you can do is get distance if
nothing else works out.
Hang in there, that's rough 🥺
You could always set some boundaries but that's often nigh impossible in cases like these. The best thing you can do is get distance if
nothing else works out.
Hang in there, that's rough 🥺
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@InferenceEngine thank you for reading my this and responding.
It's an on going battle.
I do wonder if my individualism is due to me being an only child. Ugh its so complicated.
We start getting on again and then this happens...
It's an on going battle.
I do wonder if my individualism is due to me being an only child. Ugh its so complicated.
We start getting on again and then this happens...
Spoiledbrat · F
I don't know. She's old and your mom. I'd cut her some slack.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Spoiledbrat the problem is I'm not a malicious person...
Im always helping my mum to pick her clothes and dresses when she's going somewhere special... Because I want her to look good.
But the problem is that she fights me so much that it's boring and virtually impossible to deal with her.
She criticises everything and it's awful then she'll try it on and "actually it looks nice". Do you know how draining/frustrating that is to deal with?
As I mentioned I wanted different trainers. These ones [.jpg]
But because she said she wanted them I didn't get them so she could.
But instead she's bought the addidas ones I've got in the black, in green.
Even though she said she didn't like them and they weren't comfy.
Despite me saying I wanted to buy them.
I even waited for them to go in the sale again which I also said because I could justify buying two trainers at full price. But she bought them!
Was it out of spite!
Like wtf!
Im always helping my mum to pick her clothes and dresses when she's going somewhere special... Because I want her to look good.
But the problem is that she fights me so much that it's boring and virtually impossible to deal with her.
She criticises everything and it's awful then she'll try it on and "actually it looks nice". Do you know how draining/frustrating that is to deal with?
As I mentioned I wanted different trainers. These ones [.jpg]
But because she said she wanted them I didn't get them so she could.
But instead she's bought the addidas ones I've got in the black, in green.
Even though she said she didn't like them and they weren't comfy.
Despite me saying I wanted to buy them.
I even waited for them to go in the sale again which I also said because I could justify buying two trainers at full price. But she bought them!
Was it out of spite!
Like wtf!
Spoiledbrat · F
I understand. @Mellowgirl
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Spoiledbrat maybe because I've had a drink Im finding it hard to contain. But it's constant. If I ask her to come for dinner for 6 pm she rocks up half 7 and no phone call.
Its and endless cycle of disrespect.
That's why it bothers me so much!
Its and endless cycle of disrespect.
That's why it bothers me so much!
Yulianna · 22-25, F
no
Yulianna · 22-25, F
@Mellowgirl i was not being serious...
Yulianna · 22-25, F
@Mellowgirl 😂😂😂
SW-User
Not at all
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User and we do go out. Quite often thanks! That's the problem
SW-User
@Mellowgirl so ask her what she’s wearing and wear something else 🤷🏻♀️
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User nah she's just said "I'm wrong, I'm sorry, I'm being a hypocrite".
She finally gets it!
My whole life my mums taught me to develop myself as an individual and do my own thing.
But now she's morphing into me.
This is deeper than imitation.
She has lost herself and instead of trying to figure herself out she's copying and it's insulting.
Because she insults the things I like first then buys them.
That's why it's a problem, if she doesn't like me style why copy?
She finally gets it!
My whole life my mums taught me to develop myself as an individual and do my own thing.
But now she's morphing into me.
This is deeper than imitation.
She has lost herself and instead of trying to figure herself out she's copying and it's insulting.
Because she insults the things I like first then buys them.
That's why it's a problem, if she doesn't like me style why copy?
TexChik · F
I would be delighted to be twinsies with my mom.
TexChik · F
@Mellowgirl Your mom doesnt want to be reminded that she is getting older and wants to dress "young" like her daughter. Humor her...and give her a hug. I would love to be able to do that again. I lost mine a long time ago and it still hurts to the core. Enjoy yours while you have her.
