Why Halloween is better than a woman

You can spend all your money on it, and it actually looks better afterward.

It lets you play dress-up without judging your choices.

It doesn’t get mad when you look at other pumpkins.

You can enjoy multiple treats in one night, guilt-free.

The only mood swing you deal with is the full moon.

It loves when you’re a little freaky.

It never says “we need to talk.”

You can turn off the lights and it actually gets better.

It doesn’t care if you hang out with your ex… as long as she’s dressed like a witch.

It never complains about your costume — even if you’ve worn the same one three years in a row.

You can touch all the decorations you want.

You don’t have to remember an anniversary just the 31st.

You can bring your friends, and everyone still has fun.

The scarier it gets, the more exciting it feels.

And when you’re done, you can eat all the candy without sharing.

And best of all — when it’s over, it won’t ghost you