9:30pm Friday August 8 2025
I'm removing myself a little bit more from the situation with dad, as for practically everything he says and does causes concern, and when i voice my concern he gets irritated, and that irritates me. I dunno maybe he has an inborn adaptability to irritation, but for me i can't stand it, partly because it lingers like a toxin in my mind for far too long, for him, it's forgotten so simply and easily, in whatever particular circumstance that brought it out that time.
So i spend more time in my room upstairs where i can smoke, the sun is setting as i type, so i shall be safely ensconced in the dark soon, and only the lights from my computer and eReaders guide my physical movements, but more and more time lying on the side, with a heating pad on the neck and shoulder that is being lain on, i enter ancient worlds and thoughts, guided by experts, seeing that i have a couple Ficino commentaries one on Timaeus, and another on Parmenides, he having seen them as complementary, one of the divine (Parmenides), and my special read of the day Timaeus on natural things, cosmology, about how it all came into being, not being as such, goes this Oxford Handbook essay on it, which is divided into chapters that i can feel a little drop of dopamine when i finish them, and on my kobo it shows how many pages in each so 2nd ch. of it is only 18 pages, that's like the perfect little session on my side between those damned cigarettes!!
And alternating with audiobooks while eReaders re-charge. Oh yes the recharger plays a crucial role in my little insular drama, it's like the cozy thrill one has of having to depend on something to keep giving you good things, a sensation children have i believe, and for which i have for the dear dramatis personae of this hermetic retreat from the imminent irritation source who's in the living room now.
So i spend more time in my room upstairs where i can smoke, the sun is setting as i type, so i shall be safely ensconced in the dark soon, and only the lights from my computer and eReaders guide my physical movements, but more and more time lying on the side, with a heating pad on the neck and shoulder that is being lain on, i enter ancient worlds and thoughts, guided by experts, seeing that i have a couple Ficino commentaries one on Timaeus, and another on Parmenides, he having seen them as complementary, one of the divine (Parmenides), and my special read of the day Timaeus on natural things, cosmology, about how it all came into being, not being as such, goes this Oxford Handbook essay on it, which is divided into chapters that i can feel a little drop of dopamine when i finish them, and on my kobo it shows how many pages in each so 2nd ch. of it is only 18 pages, that's like the perfect little session on my side between those damned cigarettes!!
And alternating with audiobooks while eReaders re-charge. Oh yes the recharger plays a crucial role in my little insular drama, it's like the cozy thrill one has of having to depend on something to keep giving you good things, a sensation children have i believe, and for which i have for the dear dramatis personae of this hermetic retreat from the imminent irritation source who's in the living room now.
46-50, M