My life can be so horrible until suddenly it's not. When facing something that makes no sense in the context of who I imagine I currently am, but only makes sense in the context of who I have always wanted to be.
The contradiction forces you to choose, the past or the future. You know where the past leads, in circles of misery that are ever so familiar and comforting, and the future that is open to the unpredictable and the terrifying happening, but also teases you with a new reality in a new world.
I know which one I want to chose, but I also know the strength and power of the easier path backwards. I guess I'll just pray then, for the strength and courage to at least try to reach for the kind of beauty I've always wanted to be close to.
Please remove all this fear and pain, I don't deserve it anymore, I never did.
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I’m very drumk and feeling veru gay....it makes sense to me, as it’s who I thimk I am (though not who I appear to be), but also who i really wamt to be. The path backward is not who I wamt to ne, but it is where I am at the moment.
