I was trying to exit Walmart’s tiny parking section for order pick-up and in doing so had to pull over to the side so others could enter.

But apparently I was blocking the spot another shopper had reserved for herself, surely the main mental focal point during her journey there, so she motioned for me to move immediately. The thing was I needed her to continue forward in order for me to be able to safely clear the full size truck that was sticking out too far. She didn’t care about the predicament of the situation though as it was clearly her first day driving in her 60 years on this earth. She insisted I squeeze through while she sat still. So, I shrugged my shoulders and maneuvered my way forward. I came within an inch of her POS car on purpose to see if a brick would plop out of its tailpipe, looked her square in the eye as I slowly continued forward, said the words, “Mind your fucking tone, c🌙nt,” and then smiled when I saw the message was received properly. I laughed as I looked back in my rear view to see she pulled into her precious spot just to have to back up and realign herself so she looked like a competent driver, something she already failed at.


Then while trying to exit the parking lot all together, another woman flicked her cigarette out of her window and onto my car. I would’ve squealed my tires and done an 180 immediately if my car’s nipples didn’t instantly get hard feeling something warm brush up against it. Was that 🤏🏻 close though, man. That close.


And that is why I haven’t been inside Walmart in weeks and will continue to not step foot inside it. My tolerance for the holly jolly shoppers isn’t what it used to be. Plus, I already spent my bail money on hookers and blow because I deserve a white Christmas and to be fucked by life in a way that at least offers lube 😉