Why AM i this way?

I just dont get it im unable to speak around individuals in public. Groups less of a problem but still difficult. I look different than most if not all through heatvision. Ive been celebate for 5 years unwittingly I literally feel anytime someone looks at me. and all of my organs are missing for two years. Why am i like this? And nothing seems to change it! Blah
I undermine myself at every turn. Im a constant smoker. Ive seen the future several times. Grown fangs been dead at least 7 times shot about 15. Yet im still alive had a stroke at least 2 heart attacks i remember birth. Wtf is with that. And I could keep going. Apparently i have to. 😵