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a mf meaningful title.

god he makes me so confused, like what the hell are we? are we friends, are we more than friends, friends with benefits, in a relationship? he never answers my texts, he doesnt talk to me. sometimes i wanna say kys to him but then i know it’s wrong to do that, but i see him active on social media, like what am i doing wrong, i’ve texted and called him so many times he doesn’t answer me, he will literally look at my stories but he won’t text or open my messages at all, this man is so confusing. it’s been like this for atleast four days now and i’m starting to feel like i should write him a paragraph and then js blocking him everywhere, i havent done anything at all. when we first started talking we were doing just fine, then like a few days after we started falling in love with eachother, but then out of nowhere when i opened up to him about my mental health, my past, my physical health and everything else, like a day later he wanted to od and i kept texting him and i fkn balled my eyes out so much my head hurt but i didn’t care all i cared about was trying to help him and seeing how i could stop him from taking his own life but he never responded back.. then like a day after texting him every single minute, he opened my message after i wrote to him if you dont wanna be with me anymore just say it at this point, he said we are done. he made it look so easy to move on, he made it look like he didn’t give one single shit about me, the first thing that came into my head was just blocking him everywhere without saying a single thing. god knows how many hours i stayed in bed crying and wishing he could come back into my life. then like half a week goes by and i’m trying to move on which is fucked up. and he looks at my stories through one of social media apps and i text him why would you look at my story if you told me we were done and all he said was you added me, like no shit i did. and i was still mad at the fact that he made it look so easy to move on and not care about me. i loved this boy so much with my whole heart, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but i don’t think i ever will at this point. carrying on, we started talking then he told me the reason why he left cause he didn’t want to hurt me through the process, then i was being the hoe trying to move on within a week, i still blame myself to this day ever since we had that talk, and honestly i agree with him so much i dont know why he ever gave me a second chance in his life, i miss him so much like i can’t do anything he’s always on my mind and i hate having to keep myself from texting him or spam calling his phone but then it’s like what’s the point if he never answers the phone. i’m such a asshole why did i even try to move on within a week, he was right im js a hoe. i miss him so much i want to fix things with him and make it right, but i don’t think he wants to, he’s active on social media right now but he doesn’t answer my messages at all, do i just let him go or what do i do? this boy gets me confused. one minute i’m mad at him the next i miss him alot, it’s like a never ending cycle, then he gives me anxiety just thinking about him or everytime im trying to text him. i don’t know what to do anymore, i’ve already texted him things like, do u just want to stay as strangers but have eachother in contacts? i’ll stop texting you if you want. where are you? i hope your doing okay, if you don’t want me to keep texting you that’s okay i’ll respect your choice just please let me know. like all that stuff, im so tired of trying to get his attention it’s draining me now, but then it’s also like it’s all my fault for trying to move on like this is what i get it’s what i deserve for being a hoe. i’m tired, what do i do?

 
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