Awhile back I had a conversation with friends, which brought up what I thought was an interesting question…

If a young man, seeking to date, wants to know what would make him more attractive to women, should he ask his women friends for advice ? Or should he seek advice from male friends who are especially popular with women ?

One friend replied that asking women what women like would make more sense.
But another friend argued that while women could tell him what they found attractive, a popular man, who presumably dated different types of women, perhaps could advise what consistently worked in terms of attracting them.

What do you think makes more sense ?

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DrWatson · 70-79, M

I think different women are attracted to different types.

For example, especially if we are talking about young people, I have heard women almost swoon over a guy's automobile! But if a woman told me that "being cool" (whether it was a matter of a car or clothes or whatever) was what made a man attractive to her, I would ignore that advice and realize, "OK, I am going to have to try to attract a different kind of woman." I am not going to be "cool." And in fact, the kind of woman who cares about that sort of thing is probably not someone I would be attracted to anyway.

And likewise, if I asked a man what worked for him, it would be what worked for that particular man, because that is what he is naturally like. It might not work for me.

So, I guess I would ask both women and men, and listen to the variety of responses, and then sort out which of those fit me and which do not.

As it is, what happened to me over the course of my lifetime, is that a lot of my amorous relationships grew out of friendships. What has worked for me is being "the nice guy."

bijouxbroussard · F

@DrWatson That’s why I never understood people who claimed "women don’t like nice guys". I always have, and all the nice guys I know—the real ones, who weren’t just playing a role—are married.

DrWatson · 70-79, M

@bijouxbroussard I think there are too many young women who, on the one hand, do think nice guys are boring and are attracted to "bad boys", but on the other hand, have the irrational idea that surely he will turn out to be a great husband and father in the future. And sometimes those men do mature that way. But often those women change their minds about nice guys after they become single moms.

And then there are the women who go through that phase when they are young and then outgrow it (without children or divorce along the way), find a nice guy, and have a happy life with him.

And of course, there are also the women who were attracted to nice guys from the very beginning. That's the kind of woman I married.

MethDozer · M

@bijouxbroussard I think there is some small truth it but it gets twisted and construed. One, the *nice guy" or " nice girl" is mostly better at attracting the ready for something deep and and to move forward. Kinda of a better at getting quality over quantity in relationships.

Two and really the more reality based thing, is very often the term " the nice guy" is more accurately talking about the nice person who also has no charisma or real confidence and just doesn't know how to take the chance or break the ice sorta deal. So it isn't really about being " a nice guy". It's more accurate to say the nice guy who just hasn't figured out how to approach or flirt when the time is right. There's the fakes who are " nice" as manipulation too, but in male experience knowing actual nice decent dudes who just suck at getting any kind of attention, it's that they are often aloof as fuck and just don't know how to pick up on the signals or are just too nervous and questioning to act on them. So they get the attention, but are just hesitant to act on it or notice it.