I'm really confused by this!

He gave me his password to his phone.
I left my Netflix logged in at his, avd even after he asked if he should remove it I said he could continue to use it.
We discussed how many kids we want.
We agreed that since I'm not religious the kids would have a choice.
We practiced writing your surname with my names.
We planned to attend events together in the next few weeks and months.
You spoke to my mum.
I met your friends avdoadopted family of 25years.

But it's all been ruined just because I joked about where this was going.

I introduced you to my friends, you even sent them voice notes.

Yes I may have been mean to you in regards to your hyper activity and short attention span.
But it's because I sit down for a second avd your asking me to get something or do something.
Its hard to keep up.

I didn't complain that you didn't tell me of your issue until we met, I didn't complain that you needed to pee every 5 mins (not literally), I didn't even complain that you ask me why I do anything and everything I do.
I just patiently explained or didn't explain.

When you wanted to see me wash my hair, because I needed to start early I sent you pics so you could be apart of the process.

Maybe you were hurt that I discussed with my mum what happened between us.
With you leaving my dinner out, avd selfishly putting your food away in the fridge.
Or maybe it was the fact that I said it was cute you left your tooth brush avd I pushed through my anger to just appreciate that.

I feel like you've been slowly pushing your way into my life at a pace that suits you, but the moment I mention anything that goes against this or highlights your behaviour. You snap and turn it on me, as being demanding or rushing things...

If this is reverse psychology its not actually working. I won't be manipulated into staying or expecting less than I deserve.
I didn't worry about the pace because as you said, I felt incredibly comfortable with you.
So much so I even passed gas and used your bathroom in your home avd I don't do that just anywhere you know!

I'm confused...
Maybe I wasn't supposed to bring up the fact other guys are asking me out on dates.
But I asked to make sure no wires would be crossed.
I mean we bloody cooked a whole traditional Caribbean meal together, I've never done that with anyone else ever.

*sighs*

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Abstraction · 61-69, M

Most of our failures in life are emotional failures. For many people anything that sounds like personal criticism pushes buttons of personal attack or rejection or sense of inadequacy and so out come our defensive mechanisms, which are different for each person: Withdrawal, anger, hurt, attack, self-justification, what-about, etc.
It sounds like you have the potential of a relationship but he would need to be willing to find a way to communicate constructively.
When my wife and I need to work something out, we don't do the attack, defend, counter-attack, what-about cycle. Ever. It's pointless and destructive.
We (metaphorically) sit on the same side of the table and address the problem. To do that we are really careful with words that sound like an attack. There are skills in terms of reflective listening that really help someone feel understood. We use different ways to address things like what the other person is doing to make sure they feel loved and this is just something we can work through. In the end, it takes maturity to say, ok, I think I was wrong. Not everyone is capable. Ironically, when you can admit fault and be willing to adjust, you aren't rejected, you're respected, you're loved more for it. Yet many can't because admitting wrong makes them feel worthless. It's the opposite. It's one of the greatest ironies of human beings.

SW-User

don't feel bad about yourself. you've done nothing wrong and have a realistic view of a new relationship's ups and downs. i'm sorry you're being pushed away, but it's good to stand up for yourself, just like you've done. it's good you won't be manipulated into putting yourself on the back burner. you deserve equal consideration.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Here’s the thing… it’s actually a red flag that you guys got into all that stuff so fast before there’s a foundation of friendship (trust) All those things happening really fast before there’s trust is to get you on the hook without actually investing anything into you. It’s a big bowl of head games to get you attached and keep you disoriented, which keeps your expectations low for fear of losing them. It’s sometimes called ‘love bombing’.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@WhateverWorks I hear what you are saying. He was the one telling me he was dating with a purpose.
Although I stayed at his house we weren't engaging in intercourse.
It was. Still too early for that.
I didn't question his behaviour because for me I just thought. OK well I thought we hit it off, so yea this is a mutual feeling.
He was honest with me, he told me his dad was coming back from the Philippines so he would prefer to stay over at mine. But the next few weeks would be busy.
As I mentioned I was unwell last weekend and the weekend before so although I went to the party on the Saturday I was having some tests this week.
This week also so happened to be my period.
So when be tried to invite himself over to mine I told him let's play it by ear simply because I can be a grump.
He said OK but then he only seemed to want to have these superficial shallow conversations. And mentioned me killing his buzz once I no longer was going to play along to him "getting off" since that's not always what I want us to talk about. Tbh the conversation just progressed that way because he was avoiding answering my question to understand "what he likes or is into".
It clearly wasn't meant to be. Maybe he'll contact me maybe he won't but tbh I'm feeling like even an explanation would just be a waste of my time. Especially as I wasn't digging I was just trying to see how we get on...

Thank you for replying.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Yeah, he doesn’t sound like he knows what he wants or at least what he does want isn’t what he’s saying he wants. Your confusion about his mixed signals and observations of how he recoiled isn’t imagined is my point. Someone who wants a ’serious relationship’, but also plays games doesn’t actually want a serious relationship. I just wanted to add though that when I said ‘moving fast’ I wasn’t talking about moving fast physically or people crashing at each other’s places. I was only referring to the examples in your post that the very ‘serious relationship-y’ moved faster (him giving you his password to his phone, seemingly introducing you to important people {ambiguously} etc. ) than the level of friendship being simultaneously built in order for those things to ‘mean something serious’. @Mellowgirl

eyeno · M

candycane · 31-35, F

Even passed gas hahaha but looks like it exploded

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